So it's been a year.

It has been a year and I actually thought it had been a lot longer then that since I came back. This will be easier now that I have a laptop and WIFI at home! Yay right? I don't really have any followers on here so this is more for my sake then to entertain anyone else. My health continues to be an issue, lots of abdominal pain (12) surgeries later. On top of being dx with Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis, amongst some mental issues. I'm still here though. Others ask "how are you" or "are you ok" and my response is "I'm always ok, Lord willing." In the house we have now hit teenage years. So far Andre is pretty mellow at 13, Kaleb will be 11 in Feb. and Ellie will be 9! my gosh where has the time gone! Every night I pray God guides me in the correct way to raise good MEN and a good WOMAN! Lord knows as you parent your young ones there is no handbook and each child is different so what may work and apply to one child is exactly the opposite of what you will apply to the next. Well I'm going to sign off for the day. My pain is getting up there which means I need to lay down. Always find something to smile about and praise God daily for your blessings.

I'm back!

I'm back! I can't believe it has been so long. Lots of life has happened in the last 3 years, but everyone is adjusting. Andre is 12 now, Kaleb is 9 and Ellie will be 8 in a week! As always god is good and I cannot praise him enough for all the blessings he has given me as well as the walking with through the hard times.

Resume

Jessica Graves RMA

Outcast

Honestly all anyone in life really wants is to be accepted and loved. I am no different but I have always seem to struggle with both in my life which makes life that much harder on only myself. To be accepted for who I really am and loved without condition is something I have always strived for and I work hard at giving to other people. I firmly believe that I am not put on this earth to judge people, one day will be judgement day but it is not going to come from me, you are who you are and who you want to be, thats just fine with me! I used to love life, couldn't wait for the next day to come and now something has changed. Something that I have been trying to figure out and change back for some time now and I can't seem to. I used to have no fear, be calm and take things in stride that has all changed. If this is what I have to look forward to every day I don't want it. Why do I feel this way? Where did it come from?

I fall short

Every day I fall short of pleasing someone. I hurt someone in some way that I don't mean to, I don't do things how they want or give them what they need, I don't show them enough appreciation or love. So someone PLEASE tell me what am I supposed to do when I make choices they aren't good enough or they should have been done a different way.

So what am I supposed to do?

A Long Few Months

Wow we are already almost through January of 2012! These last few months have really opened my eyes. As the years pass I realize that life never seems to get easy there is always a set of problems that seem hard and relentless that you have to get through. It all makes me tired. The last month in general I've been homeless and have had to see my kids raised by my ex for the most part and let me tell you I will NEVER and I mean NEVER get used to that, like that or allow any of my kids to EVER be homeless.

In the last month I have lost my relationship with my father who at one point in my life I thought I would always have. How you turn your back on your kids and grand kids I will never know or understand especially over nothing.

Soon on the 27Th we will be in our own place again and things will be back to whatever "normal" is. We will be together (the kids and I) again the way it is supposed be and for that I am beyond thankful!

I am also thankful for my job that continues to stay busy, wonderful coworkers a beyond awesome and loving boyfriend and 3 beautiful children. These are the things that keep me going and that alone is something to be thankful.

Im not one of these people who are made to sit for 8 hrs. I need to be moving,helping, staying busy and today I was put on a job where Im in one room patient sitting. While it is still work and Im thankful for the money this is not what I signed up for. Never the less I should stop complaining and just be thankful period.