Who in the right mind with any mannors at all thinks that it is okay to look at a baby who is being worn by her proud mother and say "Wow look at your big ears". Seriously? And then they act surprised when you snap back with "Wow didn't your mother teach you manors"?
Obviously she was a young girl who has no kids and has no idea the rage a mother will come with when messing with her young. Seriously it is NOT okay.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Company Never Fails To Be Bright
Friday was a beautiful day, my meds were working, the whether was beyond beautiful and we had company coming over to boot. This is what life is supposed to be, playing outside with your kids, grilling, friends gathering with their kids, great conversations, late night games that make you pee yourself and a few drinks.
This is what I live for, this is how I pictured my life as a little girl no worries, no stress or at least what we have is forgotten for that small amount of time. The kids were so tired they went to bed dirty(that was the best when I was a kid) they played hard and long all day and got much vitamin D couldn't ask for more.
Our Friends are a wonderful couple who have children the same age as Kaleb and Ellie. Guys talk about their things and we moms talk about children and plotting and escape from the men and children at some point in out lives, of course we would hope for sooner then later but lets face it when the children are young momma is needed or daddy goes nuts.
I have a tendency to think every weekend should be like that and of course Mike thinks differently but that one day left me in a decent mood for the next few days. So why not?
This is what I live for, this is how I pictured my life as a little girl no worries, no stress or at least what we have is forgotten for that small amount of time. The kids were so tired they went to bed dirty(that was the best when I was a kid) they played hard and long all day and got much vitamin D couldn't ask for more.
Our Friends are a wonderful couple who have children the same age as Kaleb and Ellie. Guys talk about their things and we moms talk about children and plotting and escape from the men and children at some point in out lives, of course we would hope for sooner then later but lets face it when the children are young momma is needed or daddy goes nuts.
I have a tendency to think every weekend should be like that and of course Mike thinks differently but that one day left me in a decent mood for the next few days. So why not?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Just Purging
The 13th is coming up fast, its the horrid day I lost my grandmother and I'm not ready for it I'm just plain not ready to deal with this. My depression is a lot harder to kick this time around and I'm having an awful time 99% of the time. Seriously what is the point? Every time I leave the house I feel like I run into every dumb damn person in the few hours I'm out and I just hate leaving now. Where is the common sense people are supposed to have? Its everyone for themselves and I hate it. My in laws are quite a piece of work, my dad bless his heart is trying to keep me half way sane and my husband is doing quite well but has his moments where I figured he would where he just doesn't want to deal with me and my moods. I can't blame him I would want to deal with me either honestly.
I try very hard to be a good person, help others be there for others and yet I feel like I'm worthless, its all pointless and I'm just bothering everyone one involved. People don't need this, I'm just another problem on the list so wouldn't it better if I wasn't?
I try very hard to be a good person, help others be there for others and yet I feel like I'm worthless, its all pointless and I'm just bothering everyone one involved. People don't need this, I'm just another problem on the list so wouldn't it better if I wasn't?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Chronic Problem
It seems that since I don't sleep anymore Andre has missed the bus at least once a week causing a frenzy of loading kids in the car to get him to school all the while feeling like a horrible mother thinking "I just had to turn off the alarm the first time didn't I?"
Not to mention the last two days the darn dog has found a way under the fence and I'v had to correct it or at least try, beat her in a loving nonabusive pet hating way cause really my fear is that she will get hit or someone will take her, I really do love her even when I'm beating her which is why I beat her. I don't even know how to fix the problem and she obviously can't run the neighborhood, I hate the thought of putting them both on a chain, and what do we do when we go somewhere, can't leave them out cause she will find a way through the fence and can't leave them in cause they think its fun to eat everything in site. WTH was I thinking getting puppies? Should have gotten an old lazy dog who doesn't care either way cause all he wants to do is lay there. ------->This is me banging my head on the wall<---------
All the while chasing the dog I'm trying to get a crying two yr old fed and milk cause he will die without milk (rolling eyes here), a whaling 4 month old out of the car seat of death onto the breast and answer the phone while starring longingly at my breakfast that sits there getting cold knowing I won't have a chance to eat it until its gross and then I won't eat it anyway. Calgon can't take me far enough away at this point.
I need to laugh or I just might commit myself.
Not to mention the last two days the darn dog has found a way under the fence and I'v had to correct it or at least try, beat her in a loving nonabusive pet hating way cause really my fear is that she will get hit or someone will take her, I really do love her even when I'm beating her which is why I beat her. I don't even know how to fix the problem and she obviously can't run the neighborhood, I hate the thought of putting them both on a chain, and what do we do when we go somewhere, can't leave them out cause she will find a way through the fence and can't leave them in cause they think its fun to eat everything in site. WTH was I thinking getting puppies? Should have gotten an old lazy dog who doesn't care either way cause all he wants to do is lay there. ------->This is me banging my head on the wall<---------
All the while chasing the dog I'm trying to get a crying two yr old fed and milk cause he will die without milk (rolling eyes here), a whaling 4 month old out of the car seat of death onto the breast and answer the phone while starring longingly at my breakfast that sits there getting cold knowing I won't have a chance to eat it until its gross and then I won't eat it anyway. Calgon can't take me far enough away at this point.
I need to laugh or I just might commit myself.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
A Boy That Doesn't Like Bugs
So this is what we hear from Andre:
"Mom, can you come get this."
Me: "What?"
Andre: "There is a bug in our bathroom"
Me: "No get Kaleb to get it"
Andre: "I don't want Kaleb to get it I want you to get it"
Me: "No ask Kaleb"
Andre: "Kaaaaaaaleeeeeebbbbbb, come get this bug for me"
Kaleb: "Okay where?"
Andre: "There"
Kaleb: "Got it"
Andre: "Don't touch me, throw it in the potty and flush it"
Kaleb: "K"
hearing the toilet flush.
"Mom, can you come get this."
Me: "What?"
Andre: "There is a bug in our bathroom"
Me: "No get Kaleb to get it"
Andre: "I don't want Kaleb to get it I want you to get it"
Me: "No ask Kaleb"
Andre: "Kaaaaaaaleeeeeebbbbbb, come get this bug for me"
Kaleb: "Okay where?"
Andre: "There"
Kaleb: "Got it"
Andre: "Don't touch me, throw it in the potty and flush it"
Kaleb: "K"
hearing the toilet flush.
Monday, March 9, 2009
The Sick House
Poor Ellie had the flu today and it has moved it way to Kaleb. He is walking around grabing his tummy saying "mommy, belly hurt". I was hoping to get through this years flu season but I guess we aren't that lucky.
Off to tend to the sickies.
Off to tend to the sickies.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Dark
When the thoughts are dark it scares me and comforts me at the same time. I wonder where to turn, who to turn to and how I got here. So much has happened in the last few years that its hard to pinpoint where it started.
Why when you ask for help people blow it off? Why do they ask you what you need like you really know what you need, all you can see is darkness and yet your supposed to be able to see through that to make it better. If you could make it better on your own wouldn't you have already?
I love my family with all my heart but I see no end. Some days are happy and okay and some days are to dark to speak of. I'm tired of no one listening and saying that if I need anything they are there. No your not so stop saying it.
How is that you can have a husband and three kids, parents who stop over at least once a week, friends that call often and yet you feel alone and angry?
I'm here because I have children, boys who need their mom and a daughter who is beautiful and solely depends on me to live. Without them there would be no me.
Why when you ask for help people blow it off? Why do they ask you what you need like you really know what you need, all you can see is darkness and yet your supposed to be able to see through that to make it better. If you could make it better on your own wouldn't you have already?
I love my family with all my heart but I see no end. Some days are happy and okay and some days are to dark to speak of. I'm tired of no one listening and saying that if I need anything they are there. No your not so stop saying it.
How is that you can have a husband and three kids, parents who stop over at least once a week, friends that call often and yet you feel alone and angry?
I'm here because I have children, boys who need their mom and a daughter who is beautiful and solely depends on me to live. Without them there would be no me.
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