Im not one of these people who are made to sit for 8 hrs. I need to be moving,helping, staying busy and today I was put on a job where Im in one room patient sitting. While it is still work and Im thankful for the money this is not what I signed up for. Never the less I should stop complaining and just be thankful period.

Lazy day

Sitting at my moms with my babies having a lovely relaxing day with them. I haven't had one of these days in a long time and it feels so good. My stress is down compared to yesterday and I'm living in the moment.

Isn't that what we are supposed to do is live in the moment? The past is the past and tomorrow is unknown but we have here and now to enjoy and live for. I've been working on this not looking so much towards the future or living in the past but being here in this very moment. It is not as easy as it sounds but like anything it takes practice. I do find that living for the here and now is less stressful unless of course the here and now is stressful then I look forward to more happy moments.

Off I go back to my family and loving every moment of it! Cant wait for Jeremy to get home though.

Amazing Opportunity/Long Night.

Another late night at the hospital. I don't mind though, I love my job and sleep cant find me anyway so might as well make money while I get more sleep deprivation. I have to say that this career opportunity is amazing. I'm more thankful then they could ever guess. This hospital and staff are beyond awesome and it is such a privilege.

How Did I Get Here?

I am a 28 yr old young women who has been in and out of love and marriage. Who has endured the hurt of pain that no one can ever describe and the joy of 3 children that I would have all over again if I could, yes even with the pain. I'm still left to ask, myself most of the time "How Did I Get Here?".

I find life to be MUCH more detailed and difficult then I had ever given thought to as a young girl dreaming of being a grown up and the wonderment of it all. I have had the time to think back at my life and the way I seen it from MY eyes and think why has this happened, or why has that happened and how some of it makes no sense what so ever.

It is not that great things have not happened or that such horrible things have it is just the timeline, the people and the events that have occurred over the last 28 years and the lessons that have come about.

I look at Andre and the heartache it took to get him here, the emotional toll that I would learn would not just be with him but with the three pregnancies that followed. I see the joy he brought with his own little timeline and wish sometimes that I had given him just a bit more time before adding Kaleb but of course never wanting to give Kaleb up!

As Kaleb comes in he brings even more lessons and love being the adorable little boy he is. He was my light through a very hard time and still has a smile that will fix even the hardest of days. He has eyes that allow you to see into his soul but makes you wondering what sly thing was he thinking right then.

Ellie oh my sweet little assertive girl. Of course she brings in the love, joy, lessons and happiness of the boys, but somehow she brings a little something more to the table. I often think what a beautifully sassy women she is going to be putting up with her brothers, but how in the world do I have 3 children already?

It feels like I'm still 19 yrs old and my life got put on hold. I'm not sure why the age 19 but it is what it is. It feels like I'm waiting for the interruption to be over so I can go back to "real" life. Knowing that this is "real" but still not feeling it. So probes the question again "How Did I Get Here"?

You Can Not Fit!

Can someone please let my precious daughter know that she is now 2 and while I would love to have her be an infant again she is sadly NOT and she CANNOT fit back inside me! Kaleb and Ellie started a "tumbling/ waste energy" class on Wednesday and while Kaleb LOVED every min of it Ellie spent the whole half hour trying to crawl back inside me and I can assure you SHE DOES NOT FIT!

On another note Andre started his new school yesterday and tells me he likes it and has 3 friends already. He was so excited to be able to ride the bus again this morning that's all he could talk about. I need to insert here that older kids are mean and Andre will NOT be walking to the bus stop alone for a very long time! The older kids "made" the younger kids stand away from them and threatened to beat them up if they came close(this was not to Andre because well I was there) I was livid and did speak my mind(in a motherly tone) though I'm sure it did no good. All I can hope for is that they don't pick on him on the bus because of me and that they just leave him alone or their parents will be seeing a lot of this momma bear!

So me and the younger ones are off this Wednesday morning to wear some energy off and Andre is off to school and then I'm off to work :( I hate my hours and the drive but sure thankful for the job period!

Changes

Here we are in November so many things have changed for the better. Amazing how life moves so quickly Ellie is now 2yrs old, Kaleb is 3 1/2 and Andre is 6. Wow how did that happen?




I have moved and I'm enjoying the move, working full time, being mom and loving a wonderful man.Can't complain one bit. None of this has been easy but it has been a worth while lesson and for that I'm grateful.



Andre is in first grade now and doing really well. Top of his class in reading and math, still hates to settle down but we will get there. :)


Kaleb is such a fun kid to be around and boy does he have a sneaky side! He is getting so smart and learning the ropes from his big brother. Preschool next year OH MY!


Ellie what a little princess! She is THE boss and EVERYONE knows she is a BEAUTIFUL little girl who knows it all :)

What a journey it has been over the last 8 months. The lessons I've learned are priceless, the hurt remains, but I'm seeing brighter days. I'm finally doing something for myself, I'm back in school and I'm good at what I'm doing. There is no other greater feeling then to feel your worth more then just what someone else wants you to be.

My divorce is almost final, it is bitter-sweet. I sure have learned a lot from it though. I used to think others were odd when they would use the the phrase "their past life" or "another life" but I get it now. That's how I feel. That was my past life, my life now is so different and in such good ways. I'm not proud or happy for those who I have hurt but I did what I felt was best for not only my growth but for my children's and others as well. It may not seem what is right to some but when you have lived my life then you can choose to do it differently.

My precious babies are getting so big. Andre is so very smart, bringing home A+ on spelling and math, I could not be more proud of my little man. He is still so loving and emotional my heart just pours out to him. Kaleb is as big as Andre and the protector of his sister.....that's of course when he isn't picking on her. He is also so very smart, speaking and doing things his big brother does with no problem at all. He gives the best hugs and kisses and is always very observant which makes me adore him that much more. Ellie, my sweet Tinkerbell princess. I'm not sure she will ever grow LOL. but does she ever have the personality and attitude to make up for her being so tiny. She brightens even the darkest of days.

Finally right now things are going beyond well, I'm happier then I've been in a long time and I'm continuing to work for and at what I want.