Ellie

My dearest Ellie, I love you so. When I look at you I can't describe the love I feel. You have filled my heart more then I could have ever imagined. The innocence in your cry, smile and giggle make me want to protect you with every bit of life inside me.

My love for you I find is very different then my love for the boys. You cling to me like I'm your every life support, you flat out refuse to eat for anyone other then me and it obviously can not be from a bottle, what were we thinking trying to give you that nasty thing? You love your dad from a distance and secretly it makes me laugh. The boys would smother you with love, hugs and kisses but we don't allow them to close because lets face it Kaleb isn't the most graceful child and your little body can't take his tank of a body.

You are so beautiful, it amazes me that you are a part of me. I want so much for you in life, and I pray that I can raise you right and give you the knowledge and tools to get what you want out of life. You are such a blessing from God.

I love you!

Wow

It's hard to believe that she is 6 weeks old tomorrow. Where has the time gone? I'm sure it passed somewhere in the haze of late night feedings and crying matches between her and I but I sure don't remember 6 whole weeks flying by. She is everything and more that I imagined and truly a blessing(when she is not screaming at 4 in the morning) no really she is such a blessing.

Recovery has been rough for me, so rough that I would have ran back to my docs for him to tie my tubes had I not done it while on the table having her. This recovery is not something I would wish on anyone but I'm surviving, what else can you do right?

The boys are doing well with her except they won't leave her alone, that's good right? At least they love her to pieces now!

Mike is doing well with her too, she loves to sit with him. If I can't get her calm all I have to do is hand her over and what ever problem she had was gone cause daddy is there. Grrrr, oh I mean I'm happy about that LOL.

Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving we did and we are excited for Christmas! Off I go, its time to milk the cow ;)

Just A Small Update

Seen my doc on tuesday, and have been put on bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy but I'm okay with that. As long as Ellie stays where she needs to stay until she is strong enough to be here and be okay thats what we will do. I have my family to thank for all the help they give me. Where I would be without them Lord only knows. My dad picks the boys up for me the three days a week they go to daycare(only lasts until next week) and drops them off and then brings them back to me, a HUGE help. My mom comes daily to help clean here and there, what ever needs to be done she does or helps with another HUGE help as I get anxiety when the house is "dirty". And my wonderful husband, he makes darn sure I do next to nothing and I'm so greatful for that. He really has stepped up and its such a blessing. He has a lot riding on his shoulders already but he has taken over what I normally do and can't.

The kids are happy to have me home for the most part but I think miss being able to do what as the please LOL. Momma came home and the fun ends, back to the everyday rules! All in all they still love me and are glad to be back to "normal" whatever that is.

I now see the doc every 2 weeks and will hopefully set up my section date on 9/2(my next appt.) Its hard to believe time is going so fast. We will be moving here pretty soon and I still need a lot of things to be ready for Ellie. How that is going to get done I have no clue but I have faith that it will some how all fall into place.

Good News?

After talking to the doc this morning and my u/s it looks like they will be sending me home in the next day or so!!!!!!!! I'm so very happy and excited. There seems to be no tare and everything looks good, so I pray that Ellie stays good and we will be home soon.

I think just about everyone on this floor is having multiple births, I've meet two having triplets, one having two girls and a boy and one having two boys and a girl. I pray they have save births and healthy babies and I'm quite happy I'm not in their position.

Thank you Lord for listening to my prayers.

Please Lord Help Me Through This

As if this all weren't bad enough, Kaleb has a temp now of 101.7. I can't deal with this, I have faith in my husband and parnets to take good care of him but I'm not there. I only hear second hand and I'm not there holding him. I hear him cying on the phone to be cuddled and loved and I can't be there.

Lord help me through this. Lord please watch over Kaleb and let him be okay, please Lord let this pass quickly and let there be no other issues. Lord I'm scared and I need you now, I need you to be with me and my family and only you have that ability. Please bring me comfort and peace with everything going on. Help me let go and allow others to step in and help me. Please hold us close Lord.

Ellie and I

Ellie and I are in a hosptial in Kalamazoo about an hour and a half from home. We have been hospitalized since wednesday. I felt like my old section was ripping open, saw my doc on the floor while working and he sent me to get checked out right then and there. As of right now there are NO abruptions that they can see on u/s and before today I had a tare some where cause my blood came back positive for fetal cells. Just this morning it was negitive YAY!!!!!!!! but they informed me they are keeping me for "awhile" what ever that means. It's been quite the emotional roller coaster the last few days being away from the kids and not knowing what was going on with Ellie. At this point every day counts. They are giving me a steriod to mature her lungs, just had my second shot today. I'm praying that it won't be needed and she will stay put till term but its in Gods hands now.

Wow Slow The Roll

As I was counting in my head today I have roughly 15 weeks left until Miss Ellie joins us. As I said in the last post, we are NOT ready for her and while she isn't coming next week(God willing) these last 23 weeks have gone quite fast and I'm sure with everything coming up the next 15 will go even quicker. My goodness time flies!

Life is changing quickly and though I wasn't sure it was for the better at first I'm now convinced that it is for the BEST and even though change is not something I really look forward to, there is no way around it.

This summer seems to be going quickly, as fast as the new week comes it ends just as quick if not quicker. I miss the days as a child when the warm, sunny days seemed never ending. Picking veggies out of our garden, playing in the yard till well past dark(and my bedtime), running through the sprinkler and watching as the rain brought out the beautiful flowers. Gosh how I miss those long, lazy days.

Is there a way to just make them slow down anymore? I'm sure the answer is no but it is worth trying for me thats for sure. Before I know it we will be a family of 5, Kaleb will be turning 2 and then Andre will be 5. Someone push the slow mode button please!