Kaleb Your 2 Years Old

Where did the time go? I can't believe it was two years ago that you came into this world fighting, and you have never stopped. You are a strong little man who is funny, loving, high spirited, inquisitive, smart, bold, handsome and full of life. There are days when I wonder if I will make it through to the next day and those days you breathe life and laughter into me.

You simply amaze me, they way you speak in full sentences at the age of two, the way you understand things and I could swear you shouldn't understand, how you love your family and how your sole is so beautiful.

I pray that you keep your beautiful sole, I hope that keep dancing the way you do now, you don't care who is watching you will break it down anywhere in front of anyone when the right beat hits your cute little ears. I hope that the next year brings us closer as did this one and I pray that as you grow you continue to love unconditionally as you do now. You are my helper in the morning and my cuddle bug at night. I love every bit of you.

Small Blessings

There are things every day such as a blanket, a figurine, an animal, a rainbow, a smell or something else close to you that makes you remember a time, a place, or a special person. When you come across those things and you are remembered it usually puts a smile on your face as you go back in time for just a quick second and have a flash of fond memories.

Since we moved into our house I've been wanting some birdseed in hopes to get that one thing to bless my day and make me feel as though my Grandmother is still with me some how. My mother in law dropped some off to us this weekend and it took a few days for the birds to catch on that there was food there but finally they have. I was pleased this morning as I sat in my chair watching out the window to see Blue Jay's and Finches and even a Woodpecker and then they came. A male and female beautiful as they are, pecking the seeds as though they were grateful to even find food, beautiful Cardinals. The male bright red and the female a dull grey and red. It made me smile thinking of my Grandmother, she would have been so excited to see them herself they were her favorite.

Small blessings is all it takes to make someones day, mine has sure been made and my troubles forgotten for just a few seconds the world was right.

What bless's your days?

What To Do

I have a precious daughter who will NOT take a bottle and I need a longer break then what her feeding sechdule allows. I have a huband who won't help and doesn't have the patients to help anyway, no one wants to come watch my kids for fear I'll be gone longer then expected and they will be left with Ellie screaming, further more when I take her I can't always find a place to nurse her anyway. I'm not a breastfeeding savy mom who can nurse anywhere, as hard as I try it just doesn't come easy for me.

I would love to be able to go to dinner and a movie with my husband or friends but that is not going to happen if I can't get her to take a bottle. I keep thinking "this too shall pass" but I don't see it passing in time to keep my sanity.

Any suggestions? I've tired Gerber bottles, Nuk nipples, Playtex bottles(was successful a few times but now all she does is play and make a mess), Second Nature and all I get is a screaming baby. Somebody please help me.

Where Are You?

I need you, but your to wrapped up on your own life to see the signs even though I've been quite clear. I have always been there for you when you needed me whether it ment putting my family aside or not I was there. I really need you right now but things are odd, different and confusing. I feel like I was a part of your past life and I don't fit into this one.

Trust In The Lord With All Your Heart.......

Lean Not On Your Own Understanding.

I have to live by this or I will lose it. There is always a lesson to be learned, and He is always with us but I know I often wonder "seriously?".

It is no secret, many families are struggling right now, we have been for a while and will more now. Mike just called to tell me two things. Good and bad news.

Bad news, his factory is shutting down on Fridays until further notice.

Good news, he still has a job.

I'm grateful for him having a job at all since I can't seem to get one, but this is very scary for me. The thought of us both being without a job is numbing, not being able to feed our kids is worse or dress them, or put a roof over their heads. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself but there needs to be a plan in case this does happen which means thinking the worst.

First and foremost, we as a family and those out there dealing with this and worse need to realize that we are NOT in control He is and He has a plan. It may suck as we walk through it but it will be okay when we have learned whatever it is that he wants us to learn.

Ask and you shall receive, I have witnessed this before myself. Know that not all prayers are answered and know that is a good thing. So pray, when you have nothing left to lean on. When you have no one left to lean on, he is there, always has been and always will be.

As I pray for you, please pray for us and every other person out there who is feeling this crunch.

Couldn't Ask For More

As I put the kids to bed tonight, I sit and listen by myself( Mike is at a friends house ) to my two beautiful, loving little boys who may fight every once in a while yell back and fourth to each other as their nightly routine. It starts usually with Kaleb and it goes something like this......

Kaleb: Ondee(Andre)

Andre: What

Kaleb: I Wove U

Andre: I love you too

Long pause

Kaleb: Ondee, knock, knock

Andre:Who is there

Kaleb: Papa or whoever comes to mind at the moment

Then it is Andre's turn for Knock, Knock. If Kaleb is upset about something it goes something like this........

Andre: Kaleb your alright, don't cry, we can play together tomorrow

Kaleb: sobbing "K"

Kaleb: Ondee

Andre: What?

Kaleb: I Wove U

Then we proceed to Knock, Knock. This will go on for a few mins sometimes its back and fourth of exchanges of "Night nights" and "I love yous" instead, but its always something. I know that growing up there will be times where they don't get along and don't want to be seen together but I pray that they will always have this same love for each other.

I remember being pregnant for Kaleb and thinking "Oh my God what have I done? Andre won't be loved as much" and so on, most moms know where I'm coming from on this. And most moms who had two or more kids told me I was giving Andre the best gift ever. I thought they were nuts, siblings don't get along they barley even like each other these days but you know what? I was wrong. These two love each other more then I could have ever asked for. They are each others best friends and while that may change in their eyes it won't when it matters.

As a mom I know I've made mistakes, and I'll continue to make them as that is what teaches us but I'm very proud of my boys as I listen to how they interact in quiet moments like this.

Ellie

My dearest Ellie, I love you so. When I look at you I can't describe the love I feel. You have filled my heart more then I could have ever imagined. The innocence in your cry, smile and giggle make me want to protect you with every bit of life inside me.

My love for you I find is very different then my love for the boys. You cling to me like I'm your every life support, you flat out refuse to eat for anyone other then me and it obviously can not be from a bottle, what were we thinking trying to give you that nasty thing? You love your dad from a distance and secretly it makes me laugh. The boys would smother you with love, hugs and kisses but we don't allow them to close because lets face it Kaleb isn't the most graceful child and your little body can't take his tank of a body.

You are so beautiful, it amazes me that you are a part of me. I want so much for you in life, and I pray that I can raise you right and give you the knowledge and tools to get what you want out of life. You are such a blessing from God.

I love you!