This Person

Who is this person looking back at me in the mirror? I have no idea, I'm in a place in my life where I seem to swing in limbo waiting for a string to break and leave me in a steady place. Why am I having such a hard time? Will I ever know who I am and be proud of who I am? There are parts of me I'm proud of and there are parts of me that are shameful.

I'm less then stellar these days, I'm surprised people still like me honestly or maybe they just put up with me who knows. I know that the way I feel right now sucks so while I'm trying to keep my head above water I feel as though I'm a shell of a person. I'm drained mentally and physically, I just want to walk away.

Is This What I Want?

I'm trying to make life decisions and I'm always asking myself or someone else is asking are you sure this is what you want? I don't know and even if I have to chance to see I'm asked other questions. Do I feel this is right yeah, is there any part of me that feels wrong a little one because I'm shattering a dream of mine and someone Else's. Do I wish I could find the answers now and move on? More then anyone knows.

I'm sorry for being so messed up, I really am.

Calgon Take Me Away

Good Heavens get me out of here. I just can't deal with it today, anxiety is through the roof children are pissy and I'm beyond over it with other aspects of my life. Seriously I need to get out of here maybe its because I can't get Florida out of my head who knows. I miss it there terribly it holds my youth, my grandmother, wonderful times and it lets me let go of reality for a short time.

I'm being smothered, I'm trying to make it work and yet I still feel the same way, WTH is wrong with me? I feel so messed up in the head all the time there are days when its just not worth it to me. Whatever the world continues to turn and life goes on by God's good grace. At some point I will not be troubled any more, I'll be free and I'll know who I am.

Generation Gap

I don't expect people to understand what is in my head since really I don't understand it but I really wish people would quit pushing me to do what they think is right because their generation did it that way or they do it that way.

I'm not someone else, I didn't come from some other generation, I'm not cold hearted, nor am I a bitch (err okay sometimes), I don't do things just to hurt people and I'm sick of doing everything for everyone else and putting my happiness to the side.

I am who I am and I won't make excuses nor will I apologize for being me. Life is about learning, growing, changing and some times making mistakes. I wish I would be allowed to do this.