Outcast

Honestly all anyone in life really wants is to be accepted and loved. I am no different but I have always seem to struggle with both in my life which makes life that much harder on only myself. To be accepted for who I really am and loved without condition is something I have always strived for and I work hard at giving to other people. I firmly believe that I am not put on this earth to judge people, one day will be judgement day but it is not going to come from me, you are who you are and who you want to be, thats just fine with me! I used to love life, couldn't wait for the next day to come and now something has changed. Something that I have been trying to figure out and change back for some time now and I can't seem to. I used to have no fear, be calm and take things in stride that has all changed. If this is what I have to look forward to every day I don't want it. Why do I feel this way? Where did it come from?

I fall short

Every day I fall short of pleasing someone. I hurt someone in some way that I don't mean to, I don't do things how they want or give them what they need, I don't show them enough appreciation or love. So someone PLEASE tell me what am I supposed to do when I make choices they aren't good enough or they should have been done a different way.

So what am I supposed to do?

A Long Few Months

Wow we are already almost through January of 2012! These last few months have really opened my eyes. As the years pass I realize that life never seems to get easy there is always a set of problems that seem hard and relentless that you have to get through. It all makes me tired. The last month in general I've been homeless and have had to see my kids raised by my ex for the most part and let me tell you I will NEVER and I mean NEVER get used to that, like that or allow any of my kids to EVER be homeless.

In the last month I have lost my relationship with my father who at one point in my life I thought I would always have. How you turn your back on your kids and grand kids I will never know or understand especially over nothing.

Soon on the 27Th we will be in our own place again and things will be back to whatever "normal" is. We will be together (the kids and I) again the way it is supposed be and for that I am beyond thankful!

I am also thankful for my job that continues to stay busy, wonderful coworkers a beyond awesome and loving boyfriend and 3 beautiful children. These are the things that keep me going and that alone is something to be thankful.