Every day I fall short of pleasing someone. I hurt someone in some way that I don't mean to, I don't do things how they want or give them what they need, I don't show them enough appreciation or love. So someone PLEASE tell me what am I supposed to do when I make choices they aren't good enough or they should have been done a different way.
So what am I supposed to do?
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
A Long Few Months
Wow we are already almost through January of 2012! These last few months have really opened my eyes. As the years pass I realize that life never seems to get easy there is always a set of problems that seem hard and relentless that you have to get through. It all makes me tired. The last month in general I've been homeless and have had to see my kids raised by my ex for the most part and let me tell you I will NEVER and I mean NEVER get used to that, like that or allow any of my kids to EVER be homeless.
In the last month I have lost my relationship with my father who at one point in my life I thought I would always have. How you turn your back on your kids and grand kids I will never know or understand especially over nothing.
Soon on the 27Th we will be in our own place again and things will be back to whatever "normal" is. We will be together (the kids and I) again the way it is supposed be and for that I am beyond thankful!
I am also thankful for my job that continues to stay busy, wonderful coworkers a beyond awesome and loving boyfriend and 3 beautiful children. These are the things that keep me going and that alone is something to be thankful.
In the last month I have lost my relationship with my father who at one point in my life I thought I would always have. How you turn your back on your kids and grand kids I will never know or understand especially over nothing.
Soon on the 27Th we will be in our own place again and things will be back to whatever "normal" is. We will be together (the kids and I) again the way it is supposed be and for that I am beyond thankful!
I am also thankful for my job that continues to stay busy, wonderful coworkers a beyond awesome and loving boyfriend and 3 beautiful children. These are the things that keep me going and that alone is something to be thankful.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Im not one of these people who are made to sit for 8 hrs. I need to be moving,helping, staying busy and today I was put on a job where Im in one room patient sitting. While it is still work and Im thankful for the money this is not what I signed up for. Never the less I should stop complaining and just be thankful period.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Lazy day
Sitting at my moms with my babies having a lovely relaxing day with them. I haven't had one of these days in a long time and it feels so good. My stress is down compared to yesterday and I'm living in the moment.
Isn't that what we are supposed to do is live in the moment? The past is the past and tomorrow is unknown but we have here and now to enjoy and live for. I've been working on this not looking so much towards the future or living in the past but being here in this very moment. It is not as easy as it sounds but like anything it takes practice. I do find that living for the here and now is less stressful unless of course the here and now is stressful then I look forward to more happy moments.
Off I go back to my family and loving every moment of it! Cant wait for Jeremy to get home though.
Isn't that what we are supposed to do is live in the moment? The past is the past and tomorrow is unknown but we have here and now to enjoy and live for. I've been working on this not looking so much towards the future or living in the past but being here in this very moment. It is not as easy as it sounds but like anything it takes practice. I do find that living for the here and now is less stressful unless of course the here and now is stressful then I look forward to more happy moments.
Off I go back to my family and loving every moment of it! Cant wait for Jeremy to get home though.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Amazing Opportunity/Long Night.
Another late night at the hospital. I don't mind though, I love my job and sleep cant find me anyway so might as well make money while I get more sleep deprivation. I have to say that this career opportunity is amazing. I'm more thankful then they could ever guess. This hospital and staff are beyond awesome and it is such a privilege.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
How Did I Get Here?
I am a 28 yr old young women who has been in and out of love and marriage. Who has endured the hurt of pain that no one can ever describe and the joy of 3 children that I would have all over again if I could, yes even with the pain. I'm still left to ask, myself most of the time "How Did I Get Here?".
I find life to be MUCH more detailed and difficult then I had ever given thought to as a young girl dreaming of being a grown up and the wonderment of it all. I have had the time to think back at my life and the way I seen it from MY eyes and think why has this happened, or why has that happened and how some of it makes no sense what so ever.
It is not that great things have not happened or that such horrible things have it is just the timeline, the people and the events that have occurred over the last 28 years and the lessons that have come about.
I look at Andre and the heartache it took to get him here, the emotional toll that I would learn would not just be with him but with the three pregnancies that followed. I see the joy he brought with his own little timeline and wish sometimes that I had given him just a bit more time before adding Kaleb but of course never wanting to give Kaleb up!
As Kaleb comes in he brings even more lessons and love being the adorable little boy he is. He was my light through a very hard time and still has a smile that will fix even the hardest of days. He has eyes that allow you to see into his soul but makes you wondering what sly thing was he thinking right then.
Ellie oh my sweet little assertive girl. Of course she brings in the love, joy, lessons and happiness of the boys, but somehow she brings a little something more to the table. I often think what a beautifully sassy women she is going to be putting up with her brothers, but how in the world do I have 3 children already?
It feels like I'm still 19 yrs old and my life got put on hold. I'm not sure why the age 19 but it is what it is. It feels like I'm waiting for the interruption to be over so I can go back to "real" life. Knowing that this is "real" but still not feeling it. So probes the question again "How Did I Get Here"?
I find life to be MUCH more detailed and difficult then I had ever given thought to as a young girl dreaming of being a grown up and the wonderment of it all. I have had the time to think back at my life and the way I seen it from MY eyes and think why has this happened, or why has that happened and how some of it makes no sense what so ever.
It is not that great things have not happened or that such horrible things have it is just the timeline, the people and the events that have occurred over the last 28 years and the lessons that have come about.
I look at Andre and the heartache it took to get him here, the emotional toll that I would learn would not just be with him but with the three pregnancies that followed. I see the joy he brought with his own little timeline and wish sometimes that I had given him just a bit more time before adding Kaleb but of course never wanting to give Kaleb up!
As Kaleb comes in he brings even more lessons and love being the adorable little boy he is. He was my light through a very hard time and still has a smile that will fix even the hardest of days. He has eyes that allow you to see into his soul but makes you wondering what sly thing was he thinking right then.
Ellie oh my sweet little assertive girl. Of course she brings in the love, joy, lessons and happiness of the boys, but somehow she brings a little something more to the table. I often think what a beautifully sassy women she is going to be putting up with her brothers, but how in the world do I have 3 children already?
It feels like I'm still 19 yrs old and my life got put on hold. I'm not sure why the age 19 but it is what it is. It feels like I'm waiting for the interruption to be over so I can go back to "real" life. Knowing that this is "real" but still not feeling it. So probes the question again "How Did I Get Here"?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
You Can Not Fit!
Can someone please let my precious daughter know that she is now 2 and while I would love to have her be an infant again she is sadly NOT and she CANNOT fit back inside me! Kaleb and Ellie started a "tumbling/ waste energy" class on Wednesday and while Kaleb LOVED every min of it Ellie spent the whole half hour trying to crawl back inside me and I can assure you SHE DOES NOT FIT!
On another note Andre started his new school yesterday and tells me he likes it and has 3 friends already. He was so excited to be able to ride the bus again this morning that's all he could talk about. I need to insert here that older kids are mean and Andre will NOT be walking to the bus stop alone for a very long time! The older kids "made" the younger kids stand away from them and threatened to beat them up if they came close(this was not to Andre because well I was there) I was livid and did speak my mind(in a motherly tone) though I'm sure it did no good. All I can hope for is that they don't pick on him on the bus because of me and that they just leave him alone or their parents will be seeing a lot of this momma bear!
So me and the younger ones are off this Wednesday morning to wear some energy off and Andre is off to school and then I'm off to work :( I hate my hours and the drive but sure thankful for the job period!
On another note Andre started his new school yesterday and tells me he likes it and has 3 friends already. He was so excited to be able to ride the bus again this morning that's all he could talk about. I need to insert here that older kids are mean and Andre will NOT be walking to the bus stop alone for a very long time! The older kids "made" the younger kids stand away from them and threatened to beat them up if they came close(this was not to Andre because well I was there) I was livid and did speak my mind(in a motherly tone) though I'm sure it did no good. All I can hope for is that they don't pick on him on the bus because of me and that they just leave him alone or their parents will be seeing a lot of this momma bear!
So me and the younger ones are off this Wednesday morning to wear some energy off and Andre is off to school and then I'm off to work :( I hate my hours and the drive but sure thankful for the job period!
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