Well week 17 has come and the doc appt went well this week. I'm back to seeing him once a month from now on. Thankfully no more bleeding. Our u/s is June 10th I can't wait!
Kaleb is in need of prayers for this next tuesday the 3rd. He will be going in to have tubes placed in his ears and though its a minor surgery that takes all of 15min he still has to be put under for this and that scares the hell out of me to be quite honest.
This weekend turned out to be a pretty good weekend. Got to spend some time with family which is always nice. I got really burned being out in the sun for 2 hrs on sunday which I regret. I now have water blisters on the spots that got hit the worst. Monday I ended up in ER for a migraine, they think I got to dehydrated on sunday even though I drank A LOT! Hopefully that won't be happening any more. I would much perfer not to go to ER if possible.
Well I'm off to get some cleaning done.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
I Miss You
I just want to say that I'm so happy that your happy but I sure miss you. I'm gald you found someone who takes you for who you are along with the many other things in your life but again I sure miss you.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Time Moving To Quickly
So, tomorrow will be 16wks. Where has the time gone? I'm very happy to say its going quickly and even happier to say that there has been no more bleeding! All has been peacefully normal here where ever "normal" is for us.
I enrolled Andre in school today for the fall. I really thought I was ready for this and was happy about him being gone part-time but when I walked in the school it was very bitter sweet. I dread September with the open house as I'm sure it will hit me even harder then. My baby, my first born who I spent many nights consoling and many days enjoying is growing quickly, to quickly for my taste at this point. He has taught me so much about myself and about life. He has given me so much joy with his hugs, kiss and "I love yous". His smile can light the darkest of nights and his laughter heals me in the hardest of times.
I love all of my kids but I have to admit that I miss the times we shared just him and I. They are few and far between now and it will only get worse from this point on as he grows up and realizes that mom really isn't all that cool.
So as the school year nears I'll be sending one off to preschool only to gain another precious child just a few short months after. What will I do with my life when they are all in school? Goodness I may just have to take up scrap booking with Zoe to keep my hands occupied ;)
Off to bed I go, its late and Lord knows sleep is a must though the truth is I'm not sure what a full 8hrs of sleep is anymore. Do people actually still get that?
I enrolled Andre in school today for the fall. I really thought I was ready for this and was happy about him being gone part-time but when I walked in the school it was very bitter sweet. I dread September with the open house as I'm sure it will hit me even harder then. My baby, my first born who I spent many nights consoling and many days enjoying is growing quickly, to quickly for my taste at this point. He has taught me so much about myself and about life. He has given me so much joy with his hugs, kiss and "I love yous". His smile can light the darkest of nights and his laughter heals me in the hardest of times.
I love all of my kids but I have to admit that I miss the times we shared just him and I. They are few and far between now and it will only get worse from this point on as he grows up and realizes that mom really isn't all that cool.
So as the school year nears I'll be sending one off to preschool only to gain another precious child just a few short months after. What will I do with my life when they are all in school? Goodness I may just have to take up scrap booking with Zoe to keep my hands occupied ;)
Off to bed I go, its late and Lord knows sleep is a must though the truth is I'm not sure what a full 8hrs of sleep is anymore. Do people actually still get that?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
A Lot Of Family Pain
There are many days and nights where I've sat and cried trying to understand why you don't love my kids like you love your other grandkids. Why did you and Andre used to be so close and now you don't even ask about him? This hurts on so many levels, my kids will one day ask why you love so and so over them and then what do I tell them?
My hurt of this stems from my own past and I guess maybe thats why I obsess over it so much because I know the pain I went through and I would do anything in my power to not let my kids feel that and yet I'm failing. I sit here and try to justify that "they" need you more but yet it still doesn't justify why you don't make time for my kids. You have a three day weekend most weekends and yet you haven't asked to even take my kids for a few hours let alone over night in I don't know how long.
Kaleb doesn't really know you and that kills me but yet it doesn't seem to bother you. He won't hardly allow my dad to walk out the door but you could walk on by and he wouldn't make a peep. Doesn't that hurt?
They see my family more because my dad asks for them, my dad acts like he can't breathe without my kids and yet I'm sure it doesn't bother you at all that they live just fine without you.
Why does it seem like my kids are the "problem" kids and yet they are very well behaved? I don't understand and I've asked you many time but you won't actually answer my questions. I've tried to bring them over knowing you had the day off and you acted like you didn't want to deal with us.
I'm told that you are the one that will suffer but it's not just you, it's my kids that suffer the pain too and then I feel it. Yeah you've missed so much of them and you will continue to miss so much, at some point I think it will bother you but it's my kids that ask "why mommy".
I've racked my brain trying to figure out if its something I've done but in all honesty it should have nothing to do with me. These are your grandkids and you should love them just the same as you love your other grandkids.
It kills me that when Andre was Kaleb's age he knew you more then he knew anyone. You were his world and now it is beyond different.
You set up a vacation at the end of Feb and couldn't understand why I would be upset about it. How could you care so less about a grandkid that you forget his birthday? So you checked your plans for the trip and "luckily enough" your leaving the day after his birthday. Well thank you Lord for that small blessing, since you weren't to concerned about it.
I just don't understand. How do you love one set over another?
I have a very good friend of mine offering to throw me a "sprinkle" for this precious baby coming and yet I'm hesitent because I want you to be there and be happy about this baby and I know even if you do come you won't be happy.
I've watched my SIL give birth twice and you were sooooo happy for her and so loving to her children and yet it feels like "it's just another kid for us". Maybe because I give birth different I don't know but I sure don't see the tears and the joy for my kids. I was there for her because she asked me to be but both times were VERY hard on me with the second being the hardest for so many reasons you could never understand.
I can't tell you how much it ment to me the day you spent with me when Kaleb was in the hospital and I think to that day and I kick myself because I never asked you to hold him. My dad and my grandma both came in and held him while you watched and you never asked, I guess thinking if I wanted you to hold him I would ask you to. I wanted you to hold him, my mind was so fried in that time I just didn't think about it and I can't tell you how sorry I am.
I just wish you would help me understand.
My hurt of this stems from my own past and I guess maybe thats why I obsess over it so much because I know the pain I went through and I would do anything in my power to not let my kids feel that and yet I'm failing. I sit here and try to justify that "they" need you more but yet it still doesn't justify why you don't make time for my kids. You have a three day weekend most weekends and yet you haven't asked to even take my kids for a few hours let alone over night in I don't know how long.
Kaleb doesn't really know you and that kills me but yet it doesn't seem to bother you. He won't hardly allow my dad to walk out the door but you could walk on by and he wouldn't make a peep. Doesn't that hurt?
They see my family more because my dad asks for them, my dad acts like he can't breathe without my kids and yet I'm sure it doesn't bother you at all that they live just fine without you.
Why does it seem like my kids are the "problem" kids and yet they are very well behaved? I don't understand and I've asked you many time but you won't actually answer my questions. I've tried to bring them over knowing you had the day off and you acted like you didn't want to deal with us.
I'm told that you are the one that will suffer but it's not just you, it's my kids that suffer the pain too and then I feel it. Yeah you've missed so much of them and you will continue to miss so much, at some point I think it will bother you but it's my kids that ask "why mommy".
I've racked my brain trying to figure out if its something I've done but in all honesty it should have nothing to do with me. These are your grandkids and you should love them just the same as you love your other grandkids.
It kills me that when Andre was Kaleb's age he knew you more then he knew anyone. You were his world and now it is beyond different.
You set up a vacation at the end of Feb and couldn't understand why I would be upset about it. How could you care so less about a grandkid that you forget his birthday? So you checked your plans for the trip and "luckily enough" your leaving the day after his birthday. Well thank you Lord for that small blessing, since you weren't to concerned about it.
I just don't understand. How do you love one set over another?
I have a very good friend of mine offering to throw me a "sprinkle" for this precious baby coming and yet I'm hesitent because I want you to be there and be happy about this baby and I know even if you do come you won't be happy.
I've watched my SIL give birth twice and you were sooooo happy for her and so loving to her children and yet it feels like "it's just another kid for us". Maybe because I give birth different I don't know but I sure don't see the tears and the joy for my kids. I was there for her because she asked me to be but both times were VERY hard on me with the second being the hardest for so many reasons you could never understand.
I can't tell you how much it ment to me the day you spent with me when Kaleb was in the hospital and I think to that day and I kick myself because I never asked you to hold him. My dad and my grandma both came in and held him while you watched and you never asked, I guess thinking if I wanted you to hold him I would ask you to. I wanted you to hold him, my mind was so fried in that time I just didn't think about it and I can't tell you how sorry I am.
I just wish you would help me understand.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Week 15
Wow time seems to be flying, must be having fun huh? Umm not so much but I make do with what I've got.
Doc appt today, went well babies heartrate was 164 bpm. Got a few good laughs out of my Doc today as I tend to make jokes when I'm nervous. I told him I was praying that this baby isn't going to be as big as Kaleb and he responded with "well they usually get bigger as they go". I told him that I had seen many moms on the floor with many children and sometimes their last baby seems to be the smallest so I was banking on that LOL. He responds with "it depends on eating and smoking durring pregnancy", I said in that case I'm screwed as I LOVE to eat and I don't smoke. I thought he was going to pee his pants he laughed so hard. I must have caught him off guard.
On to other news, next appt in two weeks and on June 10th we go for our ultrasound. Can't wait. I'm betting it's a girl as is almost everyone else but I don't know if we'll find out as I left that up to my dear husband who I'm sure is just dying to torture me through this pregnancy LOL. If he chooses not to find out I'll just sick Zoe on him and see how he does then ;) Better yet I should just bring her to the u/s LOL.
In other news, God is good! Kaleb and Andre have not been sick for almost 4 weeks now! Kaleb is on meds still as his EI came back but we are to see the ENT the 30th to talk of tubes. I'm all for it, if its going to make him better and in less pain my baby sure deserves that.
Kaleb amazes me everyday with the things he says. His vocab is soaring and honestly I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. It is cute for now so I'll take it but I'm more then certin I'll be wishing he didn't talk so much at some point!
He also got his first hair cut yesterday. *cry* My baby looks like a little boy now. I'll have to resize some pics and get them up for you.
Andre is turning into quite the little man. He phrases things in the cutest way(I'm mom so I can say and think that ;) ) He told me yesterday as he was grabbing his blue carebear "B" and hugging him, "Mom I sure do love my B". Awwww what a little man!
He will be starting school in the fall, hard to believe but it is happening. Hard to believe that he will be 4 this year. Goodness where did the time go? I can still remember my hospital stay with him when he was born, and his cute little curls on the top of his head before I allowed his hair to be cut. My little Peanut is turning into a handsome, smart, sweet, loving, sly little man!
Well off to bed, I'm exhusted. Sleeping doesn't go well anymore as peeing is more important.
Doc appt today, went well babies heartrate was 164 bpm. Got a few good laughs out of my Doc today as I tend to make jokes when I'm nervous. I told him I was praying that this baby isn't going to be as big as Kaleb and he responded with "well they usually get bigger as they go". I told him that I had seen many moms on the floor with many children and sometimes their last baby seems to be the smallest so I was banking on that LOL. He responds with "it depends on eating and smoking durring pregnancy", I said in that case I'm screwed as I LOVE to eat and I don't smoke. I thought he was going to pee his pants he laughed so hard. I must have caught him off guard.
On to other news, next appt in two weeks and on June 10th we go for our ultrasound. Can't wait. I'm betting it's a girl as is almost everyone else but I don't know if we'll find out as I left that up to my dear husband who I'm sure is just dying to torture me through this pregnancy LOL. If he chooses not to find out I'll just sick Zoe on him and see how he does then ;) Better yet I should just bring her to the u/s LOL.
In other news, God is good! Kaleb and Andre have not been sick for almost 4 weeks now! Kaleb is on meds still as his EI came back but we are to see the ENT the 30th to talk of tubes. I'm all for it, if its going to make him better and in less pain my baby sure deserves that.
Kaleb amazes me everyday with the things he says. His vocab is soaring and honestly I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. It is cute for now so I'll take it but I'm more then certin I'll be wishing he didn't talk so much at some point!
He also got his first hair cut yesterday. *cry* My baby looks like a little boy now. I'll have to resize some pics and get them up for you.
Andre is turning into quite the little man. He phrases things in the cutest way(I'm mom so I can say and think that ;) ) He told me yesterday as he was grabbing his blue carebear "B" and hugging him, "Mom I sure do love my B". Awwww what a little man!
He will be starting school in the fall, hard to believe but it is happening. Hard to believe that he will be 4 this year. Goodness where did the time go? I can still remember my hospital stay with him when he was born, and his cute little curls on the top of his head before I allowed his hair to be cut. My little Peanut is turning into a handsome, smart, sweet, loving, sly little man!
Well off to bed, I'm exhusted. Sleeping doesn't go well anymore as peeing is more important.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Naming Children
Why does it have to be so hard? Why can't my husband and I have the same taste in names? If it were up to him our kids would have the same names as everyone else in America and if it were up to me their names would hardly be heard of. I try very hard to comprimise and yet I get nowhere. The first and middle names have to flow right or it just doesn't work for me and he couldn't care less. You can't just throw any thing together, sorry not happening.
Of course his family would be quiet happy if I allowed him to name our kids since they had a fit with Andre. My names are to out there for them or should I say "worldly".
Oh well, what I say doesn't matter any more and I don't know why I'm worried about it it's up to him if we find out the sex at the u/s so that means we probably won't since he didn't want to know with either of the boys. Guess we will be one of those parents who don't have names and spend days with a nameless child.
Of course his family would be quiet happy if I allowed him to name our kids since they had a fit with Andre. My names are to out there for them or should I say "worldly".
Oh well, what I say doesn't matter any more and I don't know why I'm worried about it it's up to him if we find out the sex at the u/s so that means we probably won't since he didn't want to know with either of the boys. Guess we will be one of those parents who don't have names and spend days with a nameless child.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Frustrated
Would someone like to explain to me why I'm the one that gets called into work to fix the problems at hand and yet I'm not paid for it? I realize that my company is supposed to provide a service to the moms but sometimes life happens and its really no ones fault and yet people are angry and expect you to fix it. Well I'm not in charge of the hospital, I'm home on bedrest for the health of my baby and I'm not willing to put that on the line. I did as I was supposed to do and yet I'm still getting called by my boss to fix the problem. It's NOT my problem at this point and I'm sorry everyone is pissed off but I'm not the only person who works at that hospital or for that company.
I'm sure people are sitting around thinking I'm slacking or whatever but I assure you this is no fun for me either. I would much rather do my job and do for my family but at this point keeping the placenta where it is, is a bit more important to me.
I'm sure people are sitting around thinking I'm slacking or whatever but I assure you this is no fun for me either. I would much rather do my job and do for my family but at this point keeping the placenta where it is, is a bit more important to me.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Updates
Lets try this one more time since the 14 month old just deleted the three paragraphs I already had. Updates on the last few weeks to follow. Yes I've been slacking *blush*.
Just a note. Yes I'm pregnant again if you don't have anything nice to say about do me and yourself a favor and keep your mouth closed. I'm tired of the shocked responses and the tones of "don't you have enough kids or didn't you just have one". What can I say life happens, birth control isn't 100% and if your not raising them or paying for them why do you care?
Moving on........
Doc appt today proved to me that I'm much more attached to this baby than I guess I had realized. He spent 10 mins trying to find a heartbeat with no luck and after trying to calm my fears with "maybe your not as far along as we thought you were" I calmly replyied "I don't believe you" he decided to calm my fears with a u/s showing me that my precious baby was growing right on target and hiding behind my quite full bladder.
Besides migraines I've been feeling quite well so no compliants there. I was quite suprised to see an acutal baby on the u/s today, they sure grow a lot between 7wks and 13wks thats for sure.
The boys are still sick, both on meds and both on breathing treatments but I'm praying they get better soon and stay that way. Momma needs a mental break from measuring meds and wiping noses!
Andre got into his first war at school today, a kid bit him on the back and scratched his cheek. I'm NOT happy about this but kids will be kids and boys will be boys I guess.
Off to make dinner since the husband is incapable or so it seems *rolls eyes* .
Just a note. Yes I'm pregnant again if you don't have anything nice to say about do me and yourself a favor and keep your mouth closed. I'm tired of the shocked responses and the tones of "don't you have enough kids or didn't you just have one". What can I say life happens, birth control isn't 100% and if your not raising them or paying for them why do you care?
Moving on........
Doc appt today proved to me that I'm much more attached to this baby than I guess I had realized. He spent 10 mins trying to find a heartbeat with no luck and after trying to calm my fears with "maybe your not as far along as we thought you were" I calmly replyied "I don't believe you" he decided to calm my fears with a u/s showing me that my precious baby was growing right on target and hiding behind my quite full bladder.
Besides migraines I've been feeling quite well so no compliants there. I was quite suprised to see an acutal baby on the u/s today, they sure grow a lot between 7wks and 13wks thats for sure.
The boys are still sick, both on meds and both on breathing treatments but I'm praying they get better soon and stay that way. Momma needs a mental break from measuring meds and wiping noses!
Andre got into his first war at school today, a kid bit him on the back and scratched his cheek. I'm NOT happy about this but kids will be kids and boys will be boys I guess.
Off to make dinner since the husband is incapable or so it seems *rolls eyes* .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)