There are many days and nights where I've sat and cried trying to understand why you don't love my kids like you love your other grandkids. Why did you and Andre used to be so close and now you don't even ask about him? This hurts on so many levels, my kids will one day ask why you love so and so over them and then what do I tell them?
My hurt of this stems from my own past and I guess maybe thats why I obsess over it so much because I know the pain I went through and I would do anything in my power to not let my kids feel that and yet I'm failing. I sit here and try to justify that "they" need you more but yet it still doesn't justify why you don't make time for my kids. You have a three day weekend most weekends and yet you haven't asked to even take my kids for a few hours let alone over night in I don't know how long.
Kaleb doesn't really know you and that kills me but yet it doesn't seem to bother you. He won't hardly allow my dad to walk out the door but you could walk on by and he wouldn't make a peep. Doesn't that hurt?
They see my family more because my dad asks for them, my dad acts like he can't breathe without my kids and yet I'm sure it doesn't bother you at all that they live just fine without you.
Why does it seem like my kids are the "problem" kids and yet they are very well behaved? I don't understand and I've asked you many time but you won't actually answer my questions. I've tried to bring them over knowing you had the day off and you acted like you didn't want to deal with us.
I'm told that you are the one that will suffer but it's not just you, it's my kids that suffer the pain too and then I feel it. Yeah you've missed so much of them and you will continue to miss so much, at some point I think it will bother you but it's my kids that ask "why mommy".
I've racked my brain trying to figure out if its something I've done but in all honesty it should have nothing to do with me. These are your grandkids and you should love them just the same as you love your other grandkids.
It kills me that when Andre was Kaleb's age he knew you more then he knew anyone. You were his world and now it is beyond different.
You set up a vacation at the end of Feb and couldn't understand why I would be upset about it. How could you care so less about a grandkid that you forget his birthday? So you checked your plans for the trip and "luckily enough" your leaving the day after his birthday. Well thank you Lord for that small blessing, since you weren't to concerned about it.
I just don't understand. How do you love one set over another?
I have a very good friend of mine offering to throw me a "sprinkle" for this precious baby coming and yet I'm hesitent because I want you to be there and be happy about this baby and I know even if you do come you won't be happy.
I've watched my SIL give birth twice and you were sooooo happy for her and so loving to her children and yet it feels like "it's just another kid for us". Maybe because I give birth different I don't know but I sure don't see the tears and the joy for my kids. I was there for her because she asked me to be but both times were VERY hard on me with the second being the hardest for so many reasons you could never understand.
I can't tell you how much it ment to me the day you spent with me when Kaleb was in the hospital and I think to that day and I kick myself because I never asked you to hold him. My dad and my grandma both came in and held him while you watched and you never asked, I guess thinking if I wanted you to hold him I would ask you to. I wanted you to hold him, my mind was so fried in that time I just didn't think about it and I can't tell you how sorry I am.
I just wish you would help me understand.
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