So being here in the hospital makes me miss the things I complained about from day to day. Doing laundry, making dinner, changing diapers, putting the kids to bed and just the everyday grind. Call me crazy but being so far away from my family and everyone I know makes me homesick to do all of the above.
My mom and stepdad brought my kids to see me for a few hours today and its just not long enough. Kaleb was so tired and ready to go home when they left and all I wanted to do was hold him, rock him and let him sleep on me. I just wanted to feel him in my arms and know that I'm still Mom and that I still have the ability and the touch to do that. I'm scared to death that by the time this is over he won't know me as mom and won't need me, he will need someone but it won't be me. It's a very hard thing to think about and deal with.
Andre really couldn't care less anyway. He is pretty independent as it is but he at least still knows I'm mommy and I know he still loves me.
My dad and stepmom came up also it was a short visit. Not really much to talk about on my end I guess but I like having the company. I know that with the way gas prices are I won't see anyone now for at least a few days. I hate that. I hate the thought of something going wrong and being here by myself to deliver her so young.
While some say this is a vacation it's so not to me. Everything is out of my control, not that we as humans have much control anyway, that is God's work but not having my kids and not being a mother and taking care of my responsibilities is hard. Yes my responsibility right now is to Ellie and keeping her safe as possible for as long as possible but its hard to see that.
They will be sending me for another u/s since I had some more pain last night. My incision is painful right now but I did have company today so my best guess is that its from that. I wish I could go walk around but I don't want to push my luck.
Well I'm off for my luxury shower *smile* I shall keep you all updated as much as possible.
Thank God she has stayed in this long and pray for a few more weeks with some strength for me.
3 comments:
Girlfriend do you have a lap top up there? Just curious how you are able to blog being in the hospital. I know that you are frustrated right now but this is the best place for you and the sweet baby...I am praying for you ok..xoxo Joy
Yep they brought me a laptop to my room yesterday! Can't complain about the service here, but its just not home.
I totally hear you! I left early after having both of my kids. If I am going to be uncomfortable let it be at my own house in my own bed. You're in my prayers Jess.
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