And We Are DONE!!!!!

YAY!!! We are finally moved into our house, its been a very long week especially for Mike but we are here and we are turning in the keys to our apartment tomorrow. We are very excited to say the least. I'd be more excited if I could get things in order but they are slowly getting there. I've had a lot of help from my family over the last week helping pack, unpack and clean.

The kids are adjusting well, it's nice to be able to sleep a bit longer in the morning instead of getting up to take Andre to the bus, now he walks across the street and off to school he goes. Sure makes mornings eaiser!

Kaleb took the first night to adjust to his new bed and his new room but is doing wonderful now. Back to the sleeping saint he used to be and for that I'm thankful. They have loved the fact that they now have a yard to play in with toys and a driveway to ride bikes in. It doesn't get much better for boys I tell ya.

I have a clothes line!!!!!! I love it! The smell of sun/wind dried sheets is heavenly. The simple things please me.......can you tell?

Ellie is on her way, not to much longer. I'm so ready to be done, my swelling is beyond bad, I hurt everywhere and I'm quite cranky but I try to keep in mind this won't last forever. I have NST's weekly now and she fails everytime which buys me a good ol' biophysical profile, which she passes with flying colors. I think she just likes having her picture taken ;) She is not going to a small one compared to her measurements, as of right now she is measuring 6lbs 8oz. Now I don't tend to put much faith into those but we shall see.

Thats all for now, I'm off to check on dinner. Hope you all had a good week.

Changes

Changes are coming quickly, we will be moving in the next week(heads up so if I'm not on you know why) and then just a short few weeks after that Ellie will be here. The date is set just waiting to hear a time. My luck I'll be the last of the day and will be starving and very cranky all day long, OH JOY!!

The boys are doing great, fighting at the moment but it wouldn't be normal if they didn't fight, and love each other at the same time!

Andre started preschool this last week and he is beyond excited to be at a new school and riding the bus(that's his favorite part). He says he likes his new teachers and seems to be getting along with the kids pretty good. I ask him if he has any friends and he says yes but can't remember their names. I pray he does, he made them pretty easy at daycare so I hope its the same here since he will be going all through his school years with these kids.

Kaleb doesn't know what to do with himself when Andre is gone. He walks around with his blankie for the few hours that Andre is gone asking for him here and there. He does play but mostly he likes to cling to his blankie and me. Once Andre gets home he can't be happier or leave him alone LOL. Andre of course wants to do other things then play with his brother but will give in after a while.

Ellie is growing wonderfully, they had me start NST's twice a week from here on out just to make sure she is tolerating the pregnancy okay due to my history of high blood pressure. Of course for the first one last week she had to be a stinker so we got sent for a biophysical profile ultrasound. Scored 8/8 perfectly fine she just wanted more pics taken of her ;) Wouldn't be my child if she didn't want to hog the camera! Still don't have much for her just a few outfits here and there but it seems we have a long ways to go before we are "ready" and not much time left. It will all work I'm sure but its nerve wracking.

Well I'm off for now, need to rest a bit did way to much yesterday.

Beautiful!

A Simple Touch

Of my toddlers hand, a lay of their heads on me, a quick smile, a loving "Mommy", or a long warm hug and cuddle in the early morning makes EVERYTHING worth it.

Their sweet smelling, soft as silk, warm as fire skin can turn a very long, trying, horrible day into Heaven for me. To me it's amazing how this simple thing happens. With all the worries that we adults have in this world it only takes a second for them to melt away as I'm loved by my children.

What a blessing children are in general, but to take the time and realize this is what is missing out of a lot of peoples life's. I know all to well how it is to get wrapped up in day to day life, or even yourself and your problems, but we need to remember that these sweet, innocent life's that were given to us need us to take the time, even just a second to feed their soles and their confidence with a simple "I love you", or a hug, you'd be surprised at how much it feeds your sole too!

Why?

Does he have to make this so hard on me? We are in the middle of trying to move into his grandparents house and they keep asking if we want this or want that. Now seriously, I don't mind keep some things but I want to make this house OURS and it just feels like the more we keep the more its not ours. I don't have the heart to say "no" he KNOWS this so when I tell him I don't really want to keep everything under the sun why can't he find a way to tell them "no".

I have this feeling that this will NEVER be our home and that really bothers me. We have our own things we don't need to keep every knick knack of theirs. Why can't he understand that? Ugh!!!!!

Seriously?

How did this happen? I swore I was one of those parents who can't wait for their kids to get on a bus and leave for school, most days I really am one of those parents! Then today hits, it's family night at Andre's new school/classroom. I'm fine all day long, we get there and I'm still fine, check him and he is all smiles it's a go. Sweet! Walk through the first room where the kids will be hanging their coats and things into the next room which is the actual classroom and here come the wave of emotions. Where the hell did they come from? I hold back the first wave of wet eyes and blubber crying, five more steps into the room and here comes the second wave, yep got those in check too. As Andre looks at his new classroom with amazement and wonderment another hits and I curse these damn pregnancy hormones and quickly move on before anyone catches my slightly wet eyes. All in all I had about 4 waves all kept in check cause well I couldn't be the only blubbering mommy in the room!

Monday is his first day and he can't wait. He is so excited about wearing his new backpack and playing with the trains in his new classroom I really couldn't ask for anything more. He cried when it was time to leave, which I guess is better then crying because he had to be there!

Where did this time go? This is just preschool so why am I emotional? My goodness you'd think he was going off to college or the army or something other then PRESCHOOL! Lord what am I going to do when my last baby goes to school, fall into a deep depression?

Time moves so quickly it seems anymore. I'm happy that he is happy and I'm proud of myself and Mike for the good kid we have raised thus far, but seriously it doesn't need to be so darn emotional!

The Whole Time Growing Up

All I ever heard from you when I did hear from you was "I'm sorry I can't come get you, I'm not feeling well" and I was lucky to hear that. Then the time that I did spend with you, you spent bashing someone who meant the world to me, and you blamed him because "he took you away from me and he is the reason I couldn't see you". I always let it slide, never saying much till I got older and sick and tired of hearing it. You always gave me a sob story about how you missed me growing up and how you wanted so badly to be there and in the last 8 yrs you've tried to make that up by being my friend and pushing to be there for my kids.

I began to think wow, things are really changing, maybe I can start putting some trust into this and start letting go of the past. Bam you strike again. The times I need you the most you have come up with the same old excuse, "sorry honey, I'm not feeling well" all the while I know that you've spent all week most likely sleeping just because you can and now you don't feel like getting out of bed to keep your promise to me. Nice, its childhood all over again. They say history repeats itself and well I guess its true. You know what I'm capable of and you know I need the help especially with the move coming up and yet it doesn't phase you one bit to cancel on me.

I guess I should feel lucky that I at least got a phone call this time instead of being stood up like I used to be as a kid. I wish I could sit down one day and tell you how I really feel about my childhood but I know that will never happen. You see, I was taught to be nice and not say something that may hurt someone else and I know that if I were to ever let loose you would play the victim and I would feel bad and there goes the guilt trip once again. See you always made it my fault or someone else's for you not being there for me and I guess that helped you get through life who really knows. In reality it WAS NOT my fault nor anyone else's but YOUR OWN. You chose other things before me, your choice NOT mine.

Thank you for putting me back in my place and reminding me how little I can depend on anyone especially women. No wonder I have issues.

Fall

My favorite time of year! It has been for as long as I can remember and there isn't one thing over the other that makes it that way I guess, just everything combined. The changing colors( I would LOVE to go on a color tour one day either in the UP or over in Maine), the cooler weather, not to hot and not to cold just perfect for jeans and a sweatshirt, school starts(yeah I know weird but I always did love the start of a new school year for some odd reason), new shows begin, the start of holidays with family I really just love this time of year.

New shows starting means more family time, odd I know but it happens that way around here. From Tuesday to Thursday Mike and I have at least one show that we watch nightly and I find that very calming. It's nice to sit on the couch with my husband and kids and just be together for the time being. Not much of that happens around here, usually we are at our computers and the kids are playing or I'm watching tv with the kids or he is playing a game with the kids we just hardly ever spend anytime together in one area enjoying each other.

Soon enough our lives will be turned upside down with the welcoming of our daughter and while none of us can wait and of course we love her for now I like enjoying my family as it is. We will never get these moments back and life is forever changing and moving ahead so I try very hard to cherish the small moments now no matter how meaningless they might seem at the time. In the end they will mean everything to me.

Just a short diversion~I took this photo yesterday as Kaleb and Mike watched the rain pour down. Kaleb found a new favroite past time, which is exactly as you see it. Getting daddy on the floor and watching the rain. All I could think of was "Precious" a moment we will never get back.

26

Thats how old I am today well at 11:58 pm that is. Isn't it funny how when we are kids our birthdays are made a big deal out of and as we get older it seems the only "big" ones are 21 and 40. Why is that? For the past 5 years I've either been pregnant, just lost one, or just had one so there has been no big bash for me LOL. My 21st birthday was celebrated by my dad and my stepmom taking my husband and I out for drinks and ended with me asking to go home because I was in pain from my D&C, my 22nd was celebrated with a baby who was a month and a half old and my husband and I got to go to dinner and I was spoiled that year, I'll admit it. Since then its been a card and a call from the parents "oh by the way happy birthday, how old are you again?" Umm thanks and its nice to know that you almost forgot and you DID forget how old I was. I'm sure some day I'll be in the same position but can I just say now that it doesn't feel all that great.

There isn't much to do when your supposed to be on bedrest I guess, but at some point I think everyone wants to be remembered and celebrated that they make a difference in someone's life right? I really hope that I don't turn into my parents and forget my childrens birthdays and get out of the habit of making them feel special, after all their birth is more of a celebration to me then it is to them.

So for everyone that might read this who's birthday was today or any day for that matter where you felt unimportant I'm sorry its not a good feeling and I'm sure people don't do it on purpose. You are special to someone even if they don't know it yet, so keep your head up and be proud that you were here to celebrate your birth if only by yourself.