The Whole Time Growing Up

All I ever heard from you when I did hear from you was "I'm sorry I can't come get you, I'm not feeling well" and I was lucky to hear that. Then the time that I did spend with you, you spent bashing someone who meant the world to me, and you blamed him because "he took you away from me and he is the reason I couldn't see you". I always let it slide, never saying much till I got older and sick and tired of hearing it. You always gave me a sob story about how you missed me growing up and how you wanted so badly to be there and in the last 8 yrs you've tried to make that up by being my friend and pushing to be there for my kids.

I began to think wow, things are really changing, maybe I can start putting some trust into this and start letting go of the past. Bam you strike again. The times I need you the most you have come up with the same old excuse, "sorry honey, I'm not feeling well" all the while I know that you've spent all week most likely sleeping just because you can and now you don't feel like getting out of bed to keep your promise to me. Nice, its childhood all over again. They say history repeats itself and well I guess its true. You know what I'm capable of and you know I need the help especially with the move coming up and yet it doesn't phase you one bit to cancel on me.

I guess I should feel lucky that I at least got a phone call this time instead of being stood up like I used to be as a kid. I wish I could sit down one day and tell you how I really feel about my childhood but I know that will never happen. You see, I was taught to be nice and not say something that may hurt someone else and I know that if I were to ever let loose you would play the victim and I would feel bad and there goes the guilt trip once again. See you always made it my fault or someone else's for you not being there for me and I guess that helped you get through life who really knows. In reality it WAS NOT my fault nor anyone else's but YOUR OWN. You chose other things before me, your choice NOT mine.

Thank you for putting me back in my place and reminding me how little I can depend on anyone especially women. No wonder I have issues.