Helpless totally helpless

Last night my dad stopped by and picked the kids up so that Mike and I could have a break. Had we known then what we know now I would have kept them home.

At 10 am I received a call from my dad which I thought was him telling me he was bringing the kids back, I was VERY wrong. I heard him say "I told you to put the dog outside not in the basement" and then he hung up so I waited a few seconds for him to get his barrings together and I called back. He answers and I say hello then he proceeded to tell me that there was a problem, Kaleb had just had a seizure and the EMS were there getting ready to take him to the hospital. Talk about helpless, I didn't know what to do, I was speechless, this had never happened before what happen to my precious baby?

He told me that he had a slight fever but nothing big and he had stopped eating at 3 am. Okay so what is wrong with him? He said that my step mom had laid him down for a morning nap and he woke up crying, she went in to get him and when she picked him up his eyes rolled in the back of his head, he turned blue and had started seizing for about 2 min. She rushed him to the bathtub to cool him off and in the meantime my dad called 911.

Mike and I met them at foote when they brought the bed in with my dad strapped to it while he held Kaleb you could see in Kaleb's eyes that something wasn't right. I immeadatly took him while they took temps and urine samples and then called for IV'S along with chest x-rays and heart rate. His temp at the time of arrival was 104.7 they were pretty sure it spiked over 105 when he seized. His heart rate was 75 bpm fairly high for a little one but with a temp that is normal. So IV of fluids, Motrin and chest x-ray his temp came down the blood test came normal but the x-ray showed pneumonia. So after 4 1/2 hrs in the ER we finally got home and are settled in.

Let me say that first I NEVER want to go through that again, and second I praise God for watching over my son and allowing it to be something that is treatable and semi small.

Update On Us

I figured that I would post an update on how we are all doing, not that much is going on in our lives but sometimes its nice to just have a quick update from the ones you love so here it is, I hope someone loves me ;)

Andre~What can I say, he is a typical 3 1/2 yr old who is finding his own voice in this big, big world. He is testing the waters and loving, trying, and funny. The things he says sometimes blows me away. He is growing in to a very cute young boy if I do say so myself. He is very smart sometimes to smart but he will find his way, I'm sure of that.

Kaleb~A very happy almost 11 month old, who never cries unless you have food and he doesn't. He is my moose, big, strong, and gentle. He loves to flirt with his big blue eyes and will flash a smile in a hot second that will melt the coldest of hearts. He has gotten quick at taking food and shoving it in his mouth and then smiling like he has no idea what your talking about LOL. Smart kid, since he will be fighting for food with his daddy ;)

Mike~Doing very well, being a WONDERFUL husband and finding himself along the way. He has found the wonderment of children and loves to play with the kids. He still has a few games he likes to play but only after things are done for the night and its "down" time. We have one that we play together but gosh I just can't stay up late anymore LOL.

Me~Working part-time still and a full time mom. I don't have much down time but the time I do have is usually spent here at the computer. I've been quite exhusted lately and not sure what is going on there. I'll be having a check up at the end of Feb for my PPH and I'm hoping that everything is fine with that. After that I'll be at the YMCA begining my workout to get myself back to being healthy. I miss the treadmil and swimming but after having Kaleb and being diagnosed with PPH it through me for a loop but I'll get there LOL.......at some point. In April as I posted before we will hopefully be moving into Mike's Grandma and Grandpa's house on a rent to own basis sooooo it will be OUR NEW HOME!!!! YAY YAY YAY! Our first house and big enough to never move again LOL. I can't wait!

Thats about all for us, I hope you all are doing well I've kept you all in my prayers and thoughts and with that I'm heading to get Kaleb to bed and read to Andre then him into bed with the hopes of me not to far after. God is good and continue to praise him, he can do GREAT things.

My Grandma......again.

Ladies she isn't doing well. I have the feeling my dad is candy coating it for me because he lost it on the phone with me just a few minutes ago. She is still in ICU, with an oxygen mask on because she can't breathe on her own yet. She can do the physical things they ask of her but she doesn't know who anyone is. So not like my grandma, she is sharp as a pin. I'm at my wits end right now, bawling because its scaring the crap out of me. I know that one day it will be her time along with my dad which I NEVER want to think about but I'm not ready for this(are we ever ready really?) Please send up your prayers for her and my family.

God DOES listen.

We got some wonderful news today, that we have been praying for, for the last two or more years. Mike's grandma called today from Florida and has asked us to take over their house in Michigan Center. We would be paying less then what we are now in our apartment and the bills would stay about the same with the exception of no water bill!

This means so much to us, their house has been in the family for years and my husband wanted it so bad, it means our own place and a fenced yard for our kids to play in! It has enough room for all of us plus a guest room and a play room! We have continued to pray for this and our prayers are being answered.

We have been looking for a house for a long time now and we just haven't found "the one", I kept saying that God will provide when it is time and I truly believe that. We couldn't find "the one" because it was already in front of us we just had to wait for God to tell us it was time. Just goes to show who is really in charge of your life huh?

So in April when they come back up we will be moving then, until that point I will continue to pray that this will all work out and be right for us. As for now I'm off to bed right after I finish my thoughts and prayers. Good night and God Bless.

My Grandma

Quick update on my grandma, she came out of surgery okay and is now in the ICU, where she will reamian for up to 48 hours pending everything stays on the up and up. After that she will be moved to a room for about a week the a step down before ending up at home in a little over a month.

Thank you all for your prayers they helped tremendously. When I talked with my dad he said that her surgery took half the time they had expected. Now we all can breathe a bit eaiser and with any hope she will stronger in the weeks to come and be back to her normal energetic self soon. Thank you all again.

Today

Today was a long day to say the least. After work I headed to lunch with my dad, step-mom and the boys and from there to Ann Arbor to see my grandma at St.Joe's. Her open heart surgery is tomorrow at 6 am and I'm worried. This is a long recovery for her and she is very weak. My head is foggy, everyone around me is having problems and its taking a toll on me.

I don't have many words today, don't really know where to start or end. Things are going on with my dad that I'm not happy about and I feel like I have no voice. I don't understand and I know all to well how this feels. I know some times we aren't meant to understand but when it involves someone I love I feel the need to understand.

I'm confused and foggy, sad and thoughtful, strong and weak, tired and energetic. I am me but I am not. Where do I go from here?

On Your Mark, Get Set, GO!

I'm not sure the day will ever come when Kaleb walks on his own and to be honest I'm not really pushing the issue either but today shocked both Mike and I and it goes like this.

I'm sitting in my lazy boy with Kaleb, I set him down as Mike and I are talking. Mike is on the couch at the other end of where I am. Kaleb who is hanging on to the couch, looks at his daddy as Mike says "Hi buddy" Kaleb takes off running literally (while hanging on to the couch) toward his daddy. You would have thought Mike and I seen a ghost the way our mouths hung open and our eyes were so wide. LOL. What a blessing to be able for both of us to witness this big step in this little man's beginnings.



And now for a few pictures of Kaleb getting ready for school.



One of Andre because he is just cute:

Some Thoughts

Just some thoughts running through my head since so much has been happening with the people around us its hard not to think of things.

What is happening to this world? It seems as though everyone around me and close to me is sick and battleing something bigger then they are. This scares me but in the same breath makes me greatful for the health that me and my childern have. Let me say though it doesn't make it any eaiser watching the people I love and care for hurt and suffer.

I have friends who are ill and friends children who are ill and my grandma is battleing something that I'm not real sure she will make it through. My parents are fighting for their marriage through something that is MUCH bigger then they are and here I sit helpless.

I can't do a single thing for anyone and I don't know how to deal with that. I'm used to fixing and helping not sitting and twilting. I'm so very sorry for those of you that I can't help. I want to help, I just don't know how. Which leaves feeling helpless.

Now some darker thoughts. As a mom and a women and as someone who always worries about everything there are the what ifs. My boss just lost her husband very quicklly and unexpectedly how awful. Everyone gets lost in day to day stuff but sometimes things come up that leave us thinking "what if?". I can't imagine losing my husband right now, what would I do? How would I raise these kids and support us? God willing that won't happen but you never know.

What would I do if I lost one of my children? I've lost two already but I can't imagine losing a child that was a part of my life. Seriously I have issues with depression now I can't imagine what I would be like then.

Though I would like to say that these thoughts only come once in a great moon I can't, I think about them more then I would really like to but sometimes my mind just goes there.

God is good and I know that whatever he has in store for me, there is a reason and glory for him, but I pray daily that I have just one more day with my family where we are happy and safe.

Just Another Lazy Sunday

Sundays seem to be the lazy days around here, none of us do much except lay around with the occasional eating and small chore. It's Mikes day to sleep in since Saturday is mine so the kids and I usually eat some breakfast and pop in a movie.

The kids didn't get up this morning until 8:30 which is unlike them but I'll take what I can get. Now they are both down for a nap as we all seem a bit tired today though we all slept decent. Probably the weather who knows anymore.

Tomorrow will be a normal weekday with any luck, laundry, cleaning, and blogging! Happy Sunday to you all!

Turning 1

I'm not ready for this, not at all, what so ever. I want to stick my heals into the ground and push away from the date coming up as hard as I can. Anxiety is setting in, along with worrying of what is to come. He is my precious baby who is always happy and loves me to no end, he still needs me and wants me and the way his face lights up when he sees me fills my heart with so much joy. He is beautiful and perfect, full of wonderment and joy, innocent and loving, he is perfect. I don't want this to go away, I don't want his innocents to fade. I'm struggling with this.

I'm dealing with toddlerhood now and I don't want to, I don't like this stage, Andre never seems happy anymore and I don't like that. Andre used to be full of joy and happiness but now he is uncertin and trying to find his way through this world and its taking a toll on him, as it does anyone.

We birth these beautiful, perfect little human beings but we don't realize that, thats exactly what they are human and they at one point or another become themselves, spread their wings a bit and begin to practice flying. Then one day out of now where they can fly, and navigate this world without us. How does that happen? Can't they stay little, and perfect, and happy and naive forever?

Time goes so fast and its not fair, I give anything at night for a few more minutes of cuddle time with a sleeping baby, whos breath is so sweet on my neck and his body is so warm on mine. Its just not enough and its just not fair.

Close Friends?

Do you and your dh/so have other couples that are close to you? I don't mean like bestfriends but couples that you can go out and do things with or have over for dinner and play some cards? We don't and I really wish we did. I would really like if we could find a couple that had kids too so that our kids could play together, plus if you find a couple that doesn't have kids they don't really know whats its like and often don't adjust well KWIM? Anyway the point is I wish we had this, I think it would be fun getting together on the weekends, kind of creating your own little family ya know?

Cute pictures-For you Kathy

Worst Mommy Award

I walked into Kaleb's room today to find the box of baby suppositories on the floor and two of them laying across the room. I pick the one up to find that the orange tip is pulled off and the tip was chewed on and the liquid GONE I panic. Andre comes in the room and I ask who ate it and he says Kaleb (WONDERFUL). The second one is still full but the cap is off and has been chewed on.

I pick them up call my MIL at the doc office to which they call me back with number to poison control. So I call them only to get a Lady who I can hardly understand(WONDERFUL) who says from what I can catch between her accent, the dishwasher going, the washer going, Kaleb whining and Andre talking, she says that he should be fine instead of him taking it in the bottom he just took it orally so watch for cramping pains and lots of loose stool. So the panic slows now but I'm still worried that something horrible will happen.

Had to call my step mom because when she bought them for me months ago I remembered her taking some for my cousins baby. Luckily she did so I didn't have to worry about him eating the plastic thing.

Now if that doesn't warrant a call to CPS this probably will. I had taken a picture of Kaleb's butt rash to show to a few of my online friends and to get their opinions well me not thinking, I loaded them to photobucket, posted the pic to them and when I went on today to load more pics photobucket deleted that picture because it was against guidelines. So now that I feel like a dirty mom I'm sure CPS will be knocking on my door thinking I'm a sicko who is trying to poison her poor baby.

God willing I will get through this.

Dear Lady Who Works In My OB Office

Time and time again I come in, I'm more then polite to you and have never asked for anything more then the same, but yet you seem to think that you own the place and can do and say as you please. This by far rubs me the wrong way and I have prayed for you though I'm beginning to think that God is quite busy because your demeanor has yet to change.

The first time you were way out of line is when you made it totally clear that you didn't want to deal with people who "think they are miscarrying". First of all I'm not sure you have any clue what that feels like to someone who wants their baby more then you could ever imagine wanting anything in your entire life. Second of all its quite traumatic and you should try having a heart sometime, who knows it might do you and others some good.

The second time I called to talk to the doctor, you were beyond rude and wanted to know what I wanted by asking just that "What do you want". My response to you was I can't walk and I'm 35 wks pg, what am I supposed to do? Your response was "I still don't understand what you want from him". So I hung up on you left for labor and deliver come to find out my uterus was about to rupture from my old c-section scar and they took my baby a month early over what you thought was nothing and I didn't need to talk to the doctor. Nice.

Now I'm not mentioning any of the office visits here where you treated me like I was complete scum and you had no time for me or the times you decided that YOU were the doctor and could tell me how to proceed. Ummm I don't believe you have been to Med school for years on end and I don't think you have that big office in the back with all of your degrees on the wall and I don't believe that people pay you to deliver their children or preform surgery on them. I also don't believe that anyone in their right mind at any point would ever pay you for that anyway considering your attitude.

So in closing this letter I would just like to know what I have to do to get you to be decent instead of ugly all the time. I would really appreciate being treated like a human instead of a horrible infectious disease.

Best Regards,

Rockin Robin

Or rather rockin Kaleb as it may be! This child doesn't stop rocking himself. Zoe thinks I'm nuts but she has yet to see him LOL. Seriously we had went to Old Country Buffet(YUCK)for a family get together and the whole hour we were there the kid didn't stop rocking in his highchair but once for maybe a minute and that's when I noted he had been rocking the whole time.

Like I told Zoe, I talked to our doctor about this worried that it may be a sign of Autism but like he noted he has no other signs and isn't really worried about it. Well to be honest he laughed at me in a nice way LOL. I'm not so much worried about it now as I just don't know why he needs the stimulation LOL. I would think he would get dizzy or sea sick. Of course my lovely husband says to me " I wonder that about you all the time as much as you rocked these kids and your self at night in bed". Tis true my dad rocked me for a loooooooong time before bed like until I was 12 or something, no joke and no its not gross it was father daughter time. So at night when I can't sleep or something is really bothering me I rock myself to sleep. I rocked Andre till he was 6 months then he learned to put himself to sleep but that didn't stop me from rocking him during the day which I still do and before bed while we read books. Now its the same with Kaleb though he was an easier child to put to bed.

So I wonder now if all the rocking I did with Andre before Kaleb was born had an effect on him and he just loves the motion and stimulation?

Have Any Suggestions? Pooping Woes

Okay I need some expert mom advise. Kaleb has had this diaper rash for a long time and I've gotten a script for it but the darn thing still comes back daily. Mind you he has been sick and for what ever reason is pooping daily acidy semi solid poops. I can't figure it out desitin only makes it worse but I can't get it to clear up and stay gone. What do I do? This poor kid needs a break and I just can't seem to give it to him. So I figured I would come here and ask since I know some wonderful moms out there are reading ;)