Lock Down

New rule in my house, come November my house will be on lock down. No one will come in without being sterilized and no kids will go out unless it is absolutely necessary! My kids are sick yet again, along with Mike and I'm coming down with it not to mention the migraines I've had since Thursday night.

I'm so sick of this, I'm ready to lose my mind.

Ultrasound Today

Well today was the big day. Despite how I was feeling everything looks good. Heartbeat of 154 and measuring a bit behind from what I thought my date was but not enough to change the due date is what the tech thought. So Nov 5th is the date to aim for.

I must say that I wasn't happy with the tech so much but oh well it was just a few min and we were done. That is now two people I'll have to be on him about, getting attitude ajustments for LOL.

Thank you for all of your prayers, it sure means a lot.

Doctor Appt.

Well everything "looks good" as of now but lets be real here the first appt tells you nothing other then the fact of yep your pg, congrats, blood work and see you next month. So I got my way and will be having and u/s next friday, just because well I feel that I need it providing that I have two angels. That extra "umph" of reassurance is quite helpfull not to mention if something does go wrong well then you know and it takes the shock out of the whole horrible situations.

7wks has hit me in a whole new way. I'm sick, sicker then I've ever been. I lay low and eat little when I can and regret it later. Thank God I'm not puking everything up but it sitting in my throat isn't helping either. So I'll try at least to update on u/s and weekly like I said but I may not be here much other then that. Just sitting up makes my tummy start rolling. So off I go to curl up and watch some TV with my blanket. My kids are GONE for the night thank you Daddy! Momma really needs a break right now. So off I go, I'll be checking in when I can!

Week Number 7

Note to self deep fried pickles do NOT settle well and steer clear. My boobs feel full and poky odd, I don't remember this the last 4 pregnancies. I have yet to find any food that acutally agrees with me this time around. Very odd for me, both boys made me crazy for coke and subway the mere thought of both of those makes me want to throw up the thin mints I just ate.

I got wind today that my wonderful Dr. may be going on vacation and well I'm not real happy about the fact that I may not see him on thrusday. If Wendy is there I'll be somewhat happier but I had lots of things to talk to Dr.Wonderful about and I'm hoping to get to do so. Otherwise I'll be chasing him around the hospital when I see him on the floor. Poor guy!

I've been hit by the tired bug again, 9:30pm is pretty late for me these days, not all bad as long as I can get both boys down before that. I have some concerns that this pregnancy is going to be like my last and well that one was quite a bit of work and not really looking forward to doing that again.

Can someone please tell me why the heck my body goes crazy when I'm pregnant? I mean I get the whole hormone thing but dang the yeast infections can really take a hike, the itching and oozing is really not for me LOL.

I'll update more on thrusday about all of this once the doc appt is over. Fingers crossed that the vacation hasn't happened yet.

9:22 pm

And I'm ready for bed. Actually I've been ready for about an hour now, but the pull of the Internet has kept me here. It's been a long day my mom was here all day since she got back from a two week visit to Florida and she so missed my kids. I often wonder why she couldn't miss me like that when I was little waiting for her in the drive way with my suitcase packed all day until my dad would pull me away kicking, screaming and crying that she lied once again. Hmm I guess times can change people.

My hormones are raging and I've realized that I haven't thought very nice things today, and ya know I'm not really sorry about it. I try to be positive but some days and some thoughts get the best of me and I just give in to those days.

I don't really want to work tomorrow, nor do I want to take my kids out. Kaleb is sick again(what else is new?) Though I've washed my hands to the point where it feels like the skin couldn't get any drier he is still sick. Carrying 104 degree temp on average in the morning and 101 during the day despite my best efforts to keep him drugged.

Andre didn't have a nap today and I'm ready to lose my mind. He was supposed to be in bed by 8 tonight and that didn't happen due to Mike being lazy and not giving him a shower till 830. I'm a little peeved by that also. Now he is in his room yelling for me and well I just don't want to deal with it.

My floor is shaking from the neighbors below us and their TV or radio. Another thing that sets off the rage, I've been dealing with this for over a year now and I don't know how much longer I can take.

So I'm off to see what the child wants and then off to lock myself in the room and read until I'm calm enough to sleep.

Eating Too Much?

1 waffle and 1 egg(estimated) for breakfast
1 handful of fish crackers for snack
2 hot dogs or 5 chicken nuggets or 1 chicken breast with a handful of veggies for lunch
2 yogurts or 2 cups applesauce for snack
2-3cups of mac and cheese or 1 serving of whatever we eat for dinner.

All meals involve Milk afterwards 1 cup and then 1/2 cup of juice mixed with 1/2 cup water with snacks.

This is what my 1yr old eats! He can eat more then his 3 1/2 yr old brother and this scares me. This child has a HUGE appetite and I'm trying to make decent choices for him but dang!

Momma Bear

Hear me roar! Like I've said before when I don't get enough sleep I'm not so nice and for some reason last night despite the fact of sleeping alone I didn't get much. I seemed to be having this never ending dream about u/s and my baby that was so real it felt like I was wide awake living it.

Some dreams like this I don't mind so much*wink wink* but these kind that never seem to get me anywhere are quite annoying to me and leave me feeling restless. Ah well, long day ahead of me, doc appt at 1015 this am and then some swimming with the kids and a possible drive up to see the ever beautiful grandma. All with kids in tote, I might add, should be loads of fun!

So, It Gets Real

I'm not sure how many people come and look or "blurk" but I know of a few that check here and there. I'm going to start blogging about the weeks to come so if your squeamish about hormones, blood, liquids from umm "down there" and over all baby talk you may want to skip these blogs. Just a disclaimer so you don't go running for the potty while reading about the pregnancy ooze from different areas of the body.

Now on with it. Some of or most of you know that we are blessed again with our 5th gift from God and God willing this gift will be strong enough to make it through this pregnancy and on for years to come. My pregnancy's tend to be interesting as I've come to find out they range from no problems at all to u/s(ultrasounds) twice a week ending with NICU stays. I'm hoping that this will be an easy pregnancy, ending with a baby leaving the hospital the same time I do this time around.

We are in week six, not much happening to me this week other then, I pee a lot more then usual and I poop more too.....hmmm wonder why that its? I'm tired, and I've been told that my raging hormones have gotten the best of me a time or two already! Ahh yes the joys of hormones, tears flow more freely, rage comes in waves like the tide of an ocean, and pee flow like a never ending river. I do have to say that even though all of this is happening it is all worth it.

Here below is a picture of what pregnancy at week six gets you:


Cute little thing huh? Who could have thought that, that tiny little thing has cause my pants to no longer fit, I think my tummy has just given up on me and says screw it, she keeps doing this so out we pop, and see how she likes that. Mmmm not so well I might add, but par for the course so I've learned. Hey Zoe my baby has a tail now but I have yet to feed it formula do you think it will grow out of it?

This week is going quickly, by next week I will have seen my OB and hopeful he will send me for an early u/s. I'm actually not giving him a choice in the matter but we have a great relationship like that. So until then I'll go back to regular programing which would be blogging about the rest of my oh so interesting life *wink wink* Until next time folks!

It's Amazing

Funny how when Mike and I don't sleep together(get your mind out of the gutter I was talking about sharing the bed) I actually get sleep and when we do I want to kill him with the pillow for waking me every hour. Doesn't he know that these days where I can sleep all night or at least half the night are precious since in a few months I'll be making trips to the bathroom every hour on the hour. Sleep is precious my dear sweet husband and you know honey if I don't get sleep I tend to be M E A N.........well meaner then I usually am anyway.

One Of Those Days

You ever have one of those days where something is wrong and your upset but you, yourself have no idea what it is? Thats the day I'm having today, and if it were my choice I'd be over it by now I just can't seem to be.

Kids are fine, Mike is fine, didn't sleep well but what else is new? Work umm not so good today, someone had to help put a dent in it but whatever. I have no idea what is wrong but I plan to do my part in getting over ASAP.

*Sigh*

My New Fav Website

As I was reading Babycenter I stumbled upon this website and I fell in love with the min. I opened it up. As mothers we all or the vast majority of us know that pregnancy reeks havoc on our poor unsuspecting bodies by the end of 9 months and leaves us with a daily reminder of that once precious, innocent, beautiful child that is now screaming down the hall, while throwing food at his/her siblings that we once carried. I have the tell tale stretch marks though I must say they aren't as bad as some and really don't bother me the "shelf" that was left after the c-section does. This site has it all, with no shame what so ever. They actually make you feel as though your totally unrecognizable tummy is something of a wonderful and your soooo not alone like the celebrities make you feel.

Check it out, I adore it.

http://www.theshapeofamother.com/

Dearest Andre

I wrote this awhile ago, but I needed to post it now. I write of Kaleb a lot and as I look at Andre growing so big, and becoming his own little person these things run through my head again. God gave me such a gift when he handed me Andre and though toddlerhood is trying I wouldn't change him for the world. He is such an awsome child, who is loving, sweet, funny, and caring just to list a few. Such a beautiful little boy with a beautiful spirit.

Andre I see you begining to spreed your wings to get ready for flight and it scares me to no end. Where is my little peanut? What happen to that sweet, chubby little face? Its now morphed into a little boys face, full of wonderment of this world before you. I want to protect you with every thing I have, I want to save you from every bit of pain I can. Everything inside me says hold on tight but my heart says to let you explore. I will do that, to the best of my ability. Please be patient with me as I learn along with you, how to walk beside you in this walk of life.

I would die for you

When I feed you I am full

When you smile I am filled with complete joy

When you laugh my soul is fed

When you look at me with those big eyes I am proud

What you expect of me scares me

What you need from me worries me

What you want from me is much, but I'm willing to try

When I hold you, you are my world

The world, I would give you

You are smart

You can do ANYTHING

You will be greatness

I WILL love you EVERY step of the way

You will be your own person

I will adore you for that ( I already do)

You make me proud

You made me part of who I am

You ARE loved

I am blessed

Thank You

Blankie Baby

I love to watch you cuddle your blankie. The way you talk to it when your falling asleep and they way you clutch it as if it could save you from anything. The way your face lights up when you see, is pure joy. When you are tired you rub your face into it as if you are digging your way to a sweet slumber. When all is wrong in the world your blankie makes everything right. I love this! Its a simple joy of mine I love to divulge in when my own day was rough.

My sweet child you are simply joy at its purest. To ask anything more of God would be asking for the world. I have one better then the world I have a small piece of Heaven. Thank you God for my small piece of Heaven.

Thought Of You Today

It's amazing how the years have passed and yet you are often on my mind. It's been 8 years and even though 60 more may come I'll never forget you, and that wonderful time we shared. I wonder though in 60 years will I think of you the same? I miss the times we shared, you were good to me and I blame myself for the way things turned out. Though we have talked and you blame yourself(and really you should) I can't help but think "what if".

You hurt me in the worst way it seems and yet you loved me in the best way. You are my past, that will never change. Certain things that are part of every day life will bring your memory up and though it was one of the best times of my life it also brings back one of the hardest times of my life and growing process. Now that I say that and see it that's exactly what it was "a growing process".

You will always have a place with me as I've been told I will always have a place with you. I'm not sure if I really wish things would have been different, if they had I wouldn't have learned the lesson I did nor would I have the life I have now which I love. I'm sure there will be more days where I think of you, there always are but for some reason today it hit me hard or harder then usual.

Thank you, thank you for everything.

Tolerence

I have NONE for rude people, especially those who gang up on others to tell them their life is crap and they would run theirs so much better. If you can run my life better please have at it, because I'm doing the best I can which obviously isn't good enough for you! You are suprised when you back me into a corner that I come out fighting? You should have expected it.

The Very Hungry Caterpiller

I seem to have one....err two of these but one is VERY unexpected. Andre eats nonstop now and I'm not really sure where this came from. This is the same kid who when in infant hood ate every 4 hrs and only off one boob. He ate nothing more and nothing less. Also the same kid we had to force feed from ages 1-21/2. Now the days are different. I'm proud to say though that since we are all eating better we now have fruit sitting out that is always available and that is what he snacks on hourly. Not to mention that we do eat meals. 3 full meals and lots of fruit. I hope I'm helping him and not hindering him by allowing the fruit all the time but its better then junk.......right?

Kaleb has ate like this since well he came into this world so I'm not so worried about him other then the fact of him being over weight.

Can you go wrong with fruits and veggies?

WW III

Friday was an awesome day if I do say so myself. The kids and I had some things to venture out of the house to do and only one of which was executed as planned.

First stop was hair cut for Andre because well he looked like a shaggy dog and I couldn't take it any longer. We had been shaving him at home since the min he hit three yrs old he threw a tantrum getting his hair cut like he thought the world was ending, no kidding, and for no reason other then the fact that he didn't want his hair cut. So since he had been doing well I figured he would be okay going out to get it done. WRONG! Here come the tantrum again and the lady made it worse by letting him get away with it. So off we go with no hair cut and a VERY ticked off mommy and yet a very satisfied toddler.

Off to Sears we went to buy winter coats for next year. This worked out wonderfully. Walked in found a coat for Andre that is two coats in one, a zip out liner for spring/fall and an outer coat for winter. Original price 60.00$ on clearance for 15$, off to baby land to find a coat for Kaleb. Yep found one, may be a bit big but hey at the rate he grows I'm praying its not to small. Original price 40.00$ got it for 10$. Left Sears spending 31$ for two/three coats and a hat(that came with Kaleb's coat) feeling on top of the world! I LOVE sales like that.

Now its time to get home and finish what I had started out to do today. I put Andre in the highchair since it locks him in and out come the clippers. Kicking and screaming, thrashing, crying, hitting and yelling all led to a decent hair cut and one pissed off kid realizing that mom is serious when she says your getting a hair cut so deal with it.

By the end of this WW III match I was tired and shaky and needed to lay down but no time for that Mikes home and then off to bowling we go. I actually got to go since my almost never there mother in law offered to watch the boys so I could get out of the house and do something semi fun. Thank you by they way, it was much needed after the fight with Andre!

We walk in the door at 10 pm with dinner in hand and were greeted with total silence. The boys put them selves to bed by 730! That my friend is a blessing in it self. Mike and I scratch that Mike enjoyed his dinner as I was to sick to even get more then a few bites down. I did get a full nights sleep which was wonderful and restful, exactly what I needed.

Hmmm I wonder how the next hair cut will turn out?

Snotty Noses And Poopy Butts

Yes the joy of motherhood but I must say that I'm begining to think the snotty noses will ever cease. Michigan weather is known for 60 degrees one day and 7 inches of snow the next which happens to throw everyone for loop.

This morning as I'm woke buy a crabby baby, I stumble in to wish him good morning only to find what is usually a smiling, happy, laid back baby standing in his crib blowing green snot down his upper lip into his slobbery mouth. Hmmm well good morning to you too honey. Oh and thanks for wiping it on mommy thats what I'm here for.

The toddler gets up promplty after hearing the voices in the next room and is dancing around like he has ants in his pants, mmm I think you need to make a trip to the bathroom what do you think? Speaking of bathroom I think with the next baby we will be doing early potty training for the simple fact of I'm sick of sticking my hand in poop.

After breakfast everyone should be happy right? WRONG baby decided that what ever he ate yesterday didn't agree with him and up the back went to oh so lovely smelling, runny, toss my breakfast POOP! Grrr yet another shower is needed this morning. Though he was pretty proud of himself, me not so much!

Happy sunday!

Awww How Cool

While talking to my sister-in-law today on the phone I found out that Andre is on the wall at Sears for birthday photos. I remember they asked my permission a long time ago but never thought anything about it again. I guess they changed a bunch of pictures and put his up! There go his 15 min. of fame! LOL. Thats back when he was still baby cute.

I'm asking for your prayers please

Please, please send up a few extra prayers for a very, very good friend of mine. She is going through some very scary medical problems right now and the outlook is not good. She is a wonderful mother of 5 and a wonderful friend of MANY. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers, send her and her family loving, warm, comforting, healing vibes as they journey through the unknown.

Being A Mother

So much goes into being a mother, its hard to list them all so I will save my time and yours since just about all of you know what it takes. My children are my world, they are my utter happiness when I look into their eyes and hear their laughter. My heart swells beyond an imaginable size. Who knew there could be a love like this? I sure didn't until I felt it and once you feel that love your addicated, it has you in it's grasp, you are no longer selfish, it is now all about them, their love for you and the simple laugh of a child and baby is what you live for.

Though when denied this you as a mom, your heart breaks. My kids have been with my wonderful father for the last two nights due to me having many doctors appts to tend to. I was so anxious today to pick them up from daycare I was all but jumping out of my skin. I missed them so much words couldn't express. I opened the door to find Andre laying on a cot for nap time at school and the minute he seen it was me and not Grandma Suzy the water works began. "I want Grandma Suzy" it was all I could take to contain myself and not allow my own water works to begin. I held it together with the thought of walking in to see my precious baby in the next room, he would give me the love I longed for. Sure enough I walk in and here he is, huge, beautiful blue eyes looking right at me with a smile so wide it seem to engolf his chubby litte face. Ahhh yes that is way mommy needed! Again fighting back the water works with lots of hugs and squeezes, and kisses. Off to the car we go, mind you still fighting back the works from Andre but doing alright. Kids are buckled in saftly, so is mom and out the drive to head for home. And here they come, driving slowly in the right lane because I can hardly see, I can't stop them. I've missed them so much and its only been two nights and yet my Peanut didn't miss me! How can that be? I'm his world...........aren't I? Ahhh I contain myself after Andre noticed I was crying and asked " Mommy, you alright? You need hugs and kisses?" YES! That is exactly what I need from you! So home we are finally after that long 5 min ride. Hats, coats, and shoes off. Things put away, everyone ready for a nap......and as I pick Andre up to hug him I sit on his bed and just melt into him. I can't hold his little body enough right now, he squeezes me and talks quietly, telling me he loves me so stinking much, and he missed me while he was at Papa's, and Oh I was looking for you mommy at school.

Yes the love of my children feed me. Though we all need a break from time to time I can't imagine life without the life the breathe into me. They give me purpose and they give me a love that no one else can and a love that no one can take away from me.

I have found out that I need to be needed, I like to be needed and they give me that but you know what else? I need them just as much. Calling them blessings is an understatment. Angels would be more like it and thank you God for sending them to me, though there is not enought thank yous in the world, thats all I can give.

Here are some pictures that I absoultly adore,

Amazing

It is simply amazing to me how life can change in a blink of an eye. Good or bad changes they all happen so quickly. I wouldn't change anything for the world but the thoughts flood through my head. Worries don't stop coming, I strive to be happy for changes but sometimes the thoughts in your head get the best of you. There is more to come for this blog but for now I'll leave it here.